NC question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
NC question
4
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 7:16am

My ex and I split up and tried NC and it never lasted more than a week. We hooked up twice and it created major havoc on my heart so 2 weeks ago I said enoughs enough, no contact.

I was adamant about adhering to it and was great until yesterday, day 12 he called my cell and my child's. I ignored his call but she picked up. She told him I was sleeping as I was (sick) and he said tell her I called. Well I naturally did not call back. He called 2 more times later so I finally picked up. He said he wanted to know how I was. I told him I was sick and asked if he wanted something. He said no so I politely said goodbye.

I then sent him a text message telling him we agreed on NC so please do not call.

I am so annoyed. I am so upset the NC was broken. I do not know what to do now. I hate to be rude and ignore his calls but on the other hand it's the only way I can breathe and survive this break up.

Why does he not honor my request for NC? I know I cannot control his behavior so need to just NOT answer but he kept calling and calling.

We discussed NC before and I have explained many times why it is a good idea. To me, it's a no brainer.

Sigh..any support to offer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
In reply to: anahidrose
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 7:23am

Hello!

Well, it is a great question. My ex and I have both broken it, me being the latest to call him. It is difficult to go from contact of some sort every day for a long period then to nothing. I think the way you handled it was good. My ex was very cold to me, and I think I have learned my lesson now.

I will not make the mistake again. Bet if you just do not answer he will stop calling you. Good luck. I admire your strength and conviction with this!

Love, Donna

Faith
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: anahidrose
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 7:30am

Donna, I have been to hell and back these past 3 months..I called and he was at some one night stand's house. NEVER AGAIN..NC is the only way I can survive.

Unfortunately where I live (foreign country) it costs too much to change two phone numbers and I have one line which is my biz so please, friends, do not suggest I change my phones. I cannot.

I will try and not answer..but I think after yesterday he will not call again. I was very cold and annoyed and was sick too so wasn't very nice.

:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
In reply to: anahidrose
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 9:41am
Hi anahidrose,
I think that the way you handled his call was great. He's the one who broke NC, not you, and you made it clear that you did not want his calls. I hope that he got the message, but if he does call again, try to ignore it. I know that's hard if he keeps calling and calling, but the longer you ignore, the more chance that he will get the message. Good luck to you!
Laura
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: anahidrose
Thu, 12-15-2005 - 1:18pm

I'm sorry that he is not respecting your wishes. I think men who do this are fundamentally SELFISH! I mean, really, would someone who truly had YOUR best interests at heart do this? Of course not...he would respect your need for no contact so you can move on and heal. But he wants to make sure you're still at his beck and call, JUST in case...and/or he feels guilty about hurting you, so he wants to make sure you'll still talk to him so HE doesn't have to feel guilty! Boohoo, poor him...NOT!

Since you can't chance your number without great expense, can you at least set your cell phone so that it doesn't ring when he calls? And ask your daughter not to answer her phone when he calls?

Sheri