NC rule apply if you broke up with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
NC rule apply if you broke up with him?
9
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:39pm
Because I am miserable right now after ending my relationship with him. Every part of me is telling me to call him and tell him I made a mistake. WHY?! I am the one that broke up with him due to boredom of the 7 year relationship! I didnt think it would be this hard! Should I stay away for now or at least talk to him as friends?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:54pm

Stay away and work on you for a while... if it's meant to be that you remain friends or start anew sometime in the future then you will need to be stronger and ready for something even better.

Make a list... what is it that you miss about him? Is it just the idea?? Is it the friendship? the sex? the touch? the sound of his voice? Figure out what you need... and don't call him now unless you are willing to put everything you have into a relationship that might just have to end so that you can grow.

my thoughts.

Wow. you know something? Responding to everyone else who is hurting and feeling like I have something worth saying... helps.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 11:55pm

Yes you should stay away, because it wouldn't be fair to him to give him hope or impede his healing.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:02am
Even if seeing him would help my pain too? He said he was going to call me this week to come over and get his movie that I borrowed. Should find another way to get it to him or what do you suggest? I am absolutly miserable. I have been on the verge of tears at work for the past 4 days. The reason I broke up with him is because I was bored of the relationship...but I think maybe we could work that out?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:11am

I know you're hurting, but do you have any idea how selfish that would be, to use him to help heal the pain that your decision caused?

I would find another way to return the movie to him.

As for trying to patch things up, it's normal to have 2nd thoughts about a breakup that you've instigated, because of course you miss the person, but if you couldn't resolve the issue while you were together, what makes you think things can change now? Plus, it is really, really hurtful to the other person to get back together and then break up AGAIN if it turns out that nothing's really changed. So take some more time and really think this through and consider his feelings as well.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:17am
The thing is we are really really bad at communicating and we didnt really try to fix the problem. i didnt even talk to him about it until the night i broke up with him. i feel like there is a way we might be able to work through this. am i just feeling this way because I miss him so much?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:14am

Why do you think you'd be any better at communicating now? What has changed?

I think if it was important enough to you, you would have tried to work it through first, rather than breaking up, so yes, I would guess that you are feeling this way because you miss him, which is totally normal, as I said before.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:12am

Stop.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 10:18am

I can relate because I was the one who ended my 2 year relationship. It was something I didn't want to do it, but I felt stuck in limbo and couldn't stand to be like that anymore. I can remember deciding that I was going to try everything I could to make the relationship good, and whenever we would go out of town or something I would try so hard to get along well and not fight. I have second-guessed myself recently and wondered if somehow I could have tried harder or done somethng different, but when I really think about it, I did all I knew how to do.

You really do need to stay away, at least for a while. Get your head straight and think about what you want and need before you contact him again. That is what I am trying to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 11:38am

I agree that contacting him would hurt him more especially if you end up dumping him yet again. Don't confuse grief with love. Break-up's suck. There is a lot of grief and pain. Adjusting and examining what you've been through and where you are going.

You said you broke up because you were bored and that you didn't tell him anything you were feeling until the night you broke up with him....you probably have no idea how much you hurt him. When you were breaking up, did you feel it was the only choice? Did you ever consider counseling to deal with the lack of communication?

If you call to make yourself feel better, chances are he's not going to tell you "it's ok, I understand why we broke up, don't feel bad." And my guess is that he wouldn't trust you enough to work on it again.

You have to decide if you really think there is a chance to salvage the relationship or if you are thinking of going back only because of the pain and loneliness you are feeling now?

Reading material to consider:
It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken : The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy, by Greg Behrendt

Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Relationship Rescue, Dr Phil


Carrie