NC - yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
NC - yikes!
8
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 11:10am
What happens if NC is broken after 5 weeks?


Edited 4/19/2005 11:46 am ET ET by isadimple
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 11:51am

You recognize you're human and you made a mistake, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and you start NC again!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 11:56am

Timing is perfect I suppose, as I leave for a week's vacation with close friends TONIGHT.

At least I wont have to sit at home and wonder what next because I'm totally going to be far away.

MEN! LOVE!! Its all so messy, unstable, rewarding, and just plain irrational.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 12:00pm
Wow , what a night you had! I know you have a whole string of emotions going through you right now. It feels great to feel them again and *make love* to an ex, but be careful, it is only a short lived high. I did the same thing, and soon found it to turn into a deep low, where you start thinking again, "what did it mean?" "are we getting back together?" "did he miss me?" "is he sleeping with anyone else" and "hmm, maybe we will do it again". It's a vicious cycle and unless he said he wants to try again, you really only had sex, and have opened the door for a fwb scenario now. Is that what you want? This might not set you back to square one, if you honestly realize that it didn't *mean* anything and keep moving forward, back to no contact. I'm afraid, because of my situation and many others that i've read here, that the contact will instill hope from now on that your heading towards something and you might could fall flat on your face. He might call now for booty, and thats easily misread as *meaning he wants more*. I don't know but please be very very careful. You have feelings invested still and he might not. So you are the only one here who could get very hurt. And whatever happens, remember *sex* won't win them back. Good luck, and keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 12:23pm

uh, I never said we "made love", but we did and it was so great.

He and I are never getting back together. Between the conflicts that our friends have with our being together, and the conflicts my family has about us, and his immaturity, there is not even the chance.

As for FWB, that may be a possibility but at least this vacation time will be good for me to just think. I refuse to go backward. I have really gone forward and done well for me lately. For the past five weeks I've exercised (I'm training for a 10k race) and lost my "lazy weight". I look better than ever and feel that way for the most part.

It really was difficult, but to ALL YOU GIRLS WHO ARE DEVASTATED BY A BREAK UP, get up! Do something to challenge yourself JUST FOR THE SAKE OF DOING IT. It felt really good to have an activity and create a new pattern in my day. It kept me sane and empowered.

We did the FWB thing after our second breakup (of three) and it was exactly what you said it was, a whole big mess (for me). BUT, at the end of it we had a huge falling out and then got back together.

Love!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 1:22pm
ok, sorry, thought you were looking for advice. Sounds like you've got everything under control and know exactly what you are doing. Thats great!!! Have a nice trip
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 1:36pm

No i was looking for any and all adice. I'm just rambling basically.

Truth be told - I had had a few drinks before contacting him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 2:05pm
OH yes, that darn alcohol. See I naively kept having sex with my ex all last year, thinking it meant something, and of course it didn't. I became a glorified fwb partner whenever he was drunk or lonely, throughout and in between his girlfriends. Boy did I have my head in the clouds. I put a stop to it January and slowly but surely saw it for what it was, and know better now.
And just this past week the charmer that he is, has started calling again out of nowhere, and even showed up at my house. He knows exactly the buttons to push with me, and well, here we are again. And I know that it means nothing and yet it is like a small fire spreading with thoughts of him again. Big sigh. Just wanted to share that, in case you could relate. I feel empowered slightly that he beckons again, but sad that it is only for booty. And I don't have delusional thoughts of love or him ever realizing just how fantastic I am, I just need to stick to my bottom line, that I deserve and want more than he could ever give me.
I'm glad you know what you want, and you are moving forward. Me too, be strong, and have fun.
Cheers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 2:47pm

You sound EXACTLY like me, even down to the "cheers" at the end of your posts (i do that too).

I know exactly how it feels to be in the delusional FWB stage of the game. That was how I was from November all the way to March . He can be a little delusional about reality and I get over-excited.

Thank goodness for this trip because I really need time to think without the possibility of crashing into him. I want to see him, but I need to keep remembering I'm doing well and I'd just be putting myself into an unhealthy and dysfunctional situation. Its so crazy how the "love" can cloud such important signs of why it doesn't work!

If you truly truly want him gone then DONT feed his ego at ALL by responding IN ANY WAY to his absurd gestures. Ex-loves are like cigarettes - you enjoy them, know its bad for you but it feels so good and you just have to have ONE MORE TIME!!!!

Good luck and CHEERS to us both?!?