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| Sun, 12-12-2004 - 12:32pm |
About a week ago I broke up with a guy I had been dating for about 2 months. I was really harsh in the e-mail because for the last month he had not called or tried to initiate any kind of contact with me. The thing is prior to this he was great, honest and a very kind person. My friends loved him. He never treated me with any kind of disrespect. Execept he wasn't the kind of guy that called a lot. I did most of the calling. He is a very shy, sensative and cautious individual. Anyway for about the last month he didn't call, didn't return my calls and only e-mailed me about twice and they were very short e-mails. But it didn't bother me too much because he was going through a big transistion with work, moving an hour away and so on. So I let it go. Well after he didn't return my last phone call I got mad and e-mailed him and told him not to contact me anymore. I did not give an explanation or anything. My thought was I won't be treated like this, I won't be ignored. But then I started thinking again, everyone has their ups and downs and did I bail too soon. I really like him and honestly I have never felt this way before, and I am in my mid-late 20's. I am very cautious and evrything clicked with this individual. To my surprise I was falling in love. I feel like I can't contact him again because that would show weakness on my part and if he did really like me he would contact me. It also doesn't help that my exepreience with men is when they are not interested they don't call, so I was beating him to the punch line by verbally ending it. Any thoughts?

Hello Gracie,
How are you? Hope fine.
IMHO do not feel weak in approaching him. I have come to a conclusion that the one who tries to approach after a fight, is in fact the more powerful person! While waiting for the other one to approach, the matter gets so pulled that it becomes a topic for another fight.
If he is not a phone person, do not press him to do that. Did he show you his eagerness in some way? may be he always wanted to meet. but not so keen on mailing/calling?
At times conveying the point in a different way helps. 'You do no call me!!' is one way. 'If you can give me a call once a day/week/fortnight/your choice. It feels nice when you call' is another. The second one worked so well on my husband. Be sure you tell him /day or/week. A male brain works good that way. If you say 'often' he does not know how often is often!
HTH
"my exepreience with men is when they are not interested they don't call"
That's not your experience with men, that IS men. A man who isn't interested won't call. It's actually what all of chapter 2 is dedicated to in the book HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU: HJNTIY If He's Not Calling You. What possible acceptable excuse is there for not calling and not returning calls and not SEEING YOU for a month!? Unless the boy slipped into a coma... Anyways, of course he was "great, honest and a very kind person." the first month you knew him. Upfront jackasses don't get dates.
"But then I started thinking again, everyone has their ups and downs and did I bail too soon." and "he was going through a big transistion with work, moving an hour away and so on."
Ah yes, but then you've also got to point out to yourself that YOU find time to call in your ups and downs. Isn't some amazing guy you click with the type of person you'd WANT to call in the downs, as they are an instant mood lifter? All the stress of work and moving and "so on", if he was really that into you, he'd call, he'd view you and talking to you as the one spot of sunshine in an otherwise dull gray rainy day.
At least you didn't waste too much time on this guy. Consider yourself better off. You've taken control of your own love life and removed from it this guy, leaving yourself open for a guy who is totally and unmistakeably into you. The least of what you deserve is a guy who calls you!