Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Need advice
2
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 3:45pm
I wanted to get some comments or suggestions from people here on the list who had ot deal with similar situations in the past. Me and my ex broke up back in mid April, a little over 3 months ago, after a 2 1/2 yr relationship. She's already moved on and is dating someone else now. Because of that, we hardly talk and I find no reason to keep in touch with her. The only time I see her is if we coincidentally run into each other at some of the same clubs/bars we tend to frequent. She's usually there with her new bf and that really hurts me to see that. Anyway she happened to call me this past saturday afternoon. We talked for about an hour and she started to get all emotional on the phone and started crying. She found out last wknd thru mutual friends that I'm now dating some girls and I have a feeling that was why she called. Prior to this wknd I had not spoken to her since the first part of June. But it was weird, the she was kind of contradictory in the conversation. The first part of the conversation she was crying and emotional and I felt like maybe she was trying to hang on to me or that she was maybe still holding on to jope that we might get back togther even though she was the one who broke up with me to be with another guy. And then the last half of the conversation she was talking about moving on and how we weren't meant to be. So I have two questions for you all on the list. (1) What was her motivation to call and why was she getting emotional and crying (2) What would have been our 3 yr anniversary is approaching this Friday. How do I handle that day? Do I call her or send her an email to acknowledge it or just ignore it and treat it like any other day? I really could use some advice especially since our anniversary is approaching this Friday. TIA.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
In reply to: ronasa75
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 4:02pm
Can I ask how old you guys are?

It seems to me that this girl is confused on what she wants. You obviously meant something to her for her to still want to talk to you. I think she is somewhat selfish if she is upset that you are trying to move on. I am wondering if you weren't giving her enough attention towards the end of the relationship? Maybe she did the whole break up thing to make you realize how important she is to you. She may be just seeing someone else to get to you and make you jealous. Now that she thinks you are seeing someone, she is hurt that her plan may have blown up in her face and she thinks she has lost you for good.

I say that if you really want her back, tell her. She needs to decide what she wants and to quit playing games.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
In reply to: ronasa75
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:24pm
PB, I am 29 and my ex just turned 27 back in May. I don't know if she is dating this other guy to just get back at me and make me realize how important she is to me. That just seems too immature and I told her earlier when we first broke up that if she's doing this to make me jealous that it WOULD blow up in her face. She denied that was the reason and said she initially just wanted to "hook up with him" and that them dating so soon after we broke up was "unintentional". It is true that I did end up taking her for granted the last several months of our relationship and lost my temper with her more often than I should. I think that had a lot to do with my confusion of what I wanted out of the relationship and her wanting to be with me all the time and not giving me enough space. I just didn't know if I wanted to marry her. But I do know that I care for her ALOT and I do miss being with her and having her in my life. That makes me wonder, what does it take for someone to know in his heart that he wants to be with a particular girl long term like that? Also what should I do about what would have been our 3 yr anniversary this Friday?