need advice with boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
need advice with boyfriend
14
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 8:00am

ok on new yrs day while my guy was driving me home,a former guy friend of his that started rumors and caused problems with us and broke us up called him while he was driving..and he lied about it saying it was his sister..he no longer hangs out with him because the guy is a jerk and started lots of trouble,but i am upset that he lied,esp since we broke up for few mos..now i am wondering if i should dump him for not telling me truth right away..also something else happenend last month with us..he was telling me about someone texting him and he had no idea who it was,thought it was the jerk x friend at first but said he wouldnt text him(this guy is a minda mental and doesnt take a hint,i met him couple times and he acts very stupid)then he thought it was a girl him dn his other firend used ot be friends with..he texted the person(he didnt know if it was guirl or guy)in front of me asking who it was..turned out to be a girl that is friends with his friends and his friends fiance,hsi friend used my guys cell one time to call her..of course i think the story is kinda weird and figured eh met someone while we broke up and the person is texting ..all the girl said was hi havent talked ot you in a while,and hejust wrote hi back to find out hwo it was and she didnt reply...so right now i am wonderign what to do..he was letting me look at his cell,and using it to check my email and showed me the texts,so i figure he isnt hiding anything?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 12:49pm
You seem to be looking for something to go wrong in your relationship. It's as if you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. He tells this so called friend that he's with his sister when he's really with you. And you didn't ask why? You mind just starts jumping to dishonorable conclusions. Maybe he lied to the guy because he didn't want him to know and begin starting more rumors that caused the break up the last time. He txt's the phantom txt asking who it is right in front of you, hiding nothing. He lets you look at his cell and through the txts proving yet again that he's hiding nothing. And yet you suspect something. Why? You haven't stated any tangible evidence of reasonable doubt, yet you contimplate breaking up with him. Why? Why don't you ask for answers to your questions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 2:16pm
no...the guy called him while he was driving me home.my boyfriend did NOT pick up or talk to him..he told me it was his sister calling at first because he said the guy still bothers him by calling when he does not want to talk to him..but i don`t like him lying even if it`s small....anyway ya we broke up for soem time but he told me he missed me the whole time and texted me he still card so i feel if he was seeing someone else then i dont need to know about it...he says it was a girl his friend is friends with texting,i think it is crap but we broke up then,so nothing i can do..guys lie all the time,maybe if they treated women better they wouldnt have to lie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 3:50pm

"maybe if they treated women better they wouldnt have to lie"

Here's a life truth that you must accept and embrace. Men DO NOT DO what women don't ALLOW. You allow him to lie to you so he does. You allow him back into your life with his empty promises, all you get is emptiness.

My first post gave him the bennifit of the doubt, and you were able to reply with just exactly how the doubt is undeniable. So why then are you betraying yourself and allowing this all to happen? He's doing what you're allowing. Staying is allowing by default.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 11:12pm
first of all,most men are disrespectful,and no I don`t put up with anything that I feel is bad behavior....I know many women who have been abused,cheated on,you name it,you know it...and those things are commited by way too many men,not in my case thank goodness.I came onto the boards for advice,not to be told that i am allowing him to be mean to m,which wasn`t what I posted ..I suppose all of your relationships are perfect?If a man was being a jerk to you,does it make it your fault?would you want to be told you allow it?if things are so perfect in your love life,you wouldn`t be on the boards.Now maybe you saw it as arguing when I wrote many men are disrespectful,well it wasnt my intent...but many women are on the boards because alot of them are jerks..rather than dump my guy(who i do feel loves me)over something that might not be anything to worry about,I rather get some input..that is all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 10:31am
Woah woah, calm down. I replied to you in email.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 11:48am
i dont have e-mail right now I use the library pc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 12:00pm
I just hit reply to the email, so it went back to whatever you sent it from.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 2:42pm

Hi Chesire,
I don't think you should break up w/ your b.f.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I dislike this one guy my boyfriend often hung out w/.
I made it clear to my b.f. that he was a bad influence and I couldn't stand him. We got into many fights over this idiot, but finally he stopped hanging out w/ him.
One time he did call my b.f.'s phone and I asked who called? Keep in mind it was Sat. night and I figured it was that guy wanting to get drunk w/ my b.f.
My b.f. lied about who it was. Well not completley-but he was like "oh I don't know" which gave away he didn't want to admit who it was. He finally told me.
My b.f. and I are always together so I figured its not a big issue, considering hes not hanging out w/ that guy. You did say your guy doesn't see him anymore, so I don't think it is something to leave your guy over.
As long as your guy isn't meeting up w/ this guy you dislike I woundn't get too upset. I understand its irriating he won't stop calling your boyfriend but there is not much you can do. Trust me, eventually he will get the hint. As long as you made it clear to your man you dislike him I'm sure he will stay away from him. An occassional call doesn't mean their going to hang out.
I wouldn't be so hard on him considering he probably lied cuz he didn't want to start a fight w/ you on new years.
Explain to your b.f. next time he does lie your not going to put up w/ it. Tell him you want him to be honest and you won't get so mad.
About the text message-could be anyone. Does he have lots of girls as friends?
I would be mad at that but I figure because he showed you his cell he's not hiding anything from you. If he didn't show you than I would think somethings up, but evidently he's not hiding anything. Its good the text said haven't talked to you in a while. At least you know hes not really getting a hold of her. Did you ask who the girl was? I woudn't believe a guy if he said he didn't know. Isn't there a number displayed on the screen? I don't think though you have anything to worry about.

Well I hope I helped you a little.
Keep your head up!
Hope everything works out for you.
Jen




Edited 1/5/2005 2:44 pm ET ET by jenbez
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 3:51pm
Chesire, I also wanted to add that I think your response to Angelica was a bit harsh.
Keep in mind that everyone looks at a situation differently, and if you write something on the board occasionally expect to hear what you don't want.
Not everyone sees eye to eye. I think Angelica was just giving you advice from her standpoint. You did ask for it didn't you? You kinda of went off on her in one of your responses. I think she did prove good points. But I understand where your coming from, and I don't think the friend thing is a big deal. Well if he did start agruements between you and your man-you have reason not to want them to talk, but like I said as long as your guy admitted he doesn't want to talk to him and they don't hang out-don't worry.
Like I said I know how you feel. And like I mentioned before I think he lied only to prevent a fight between ya's.
And if your b.f. is willing to show you his cell he is hiding nothing. Just make it clear to him that you don't want him to respond back to her. I wouldn't allow my guy to.
Well I do hope my prior response helped you out also.
Hope everything works out for you.
Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 3:54pm
ya he asked who the person was who texted him..he did this in front of me..it was a girl,who is like 20 yrs old anyway (much younger than we are) that is friends with his best friends fiance..his friend used hsi cell to call her because they were picking them up..now of course it sounds weird to me,and i have to go by what my guy says,ya know?but he told me go ahead and call her..so i figure more than likely he isnt lying..i am still feeling weird about it though,and he is annoyed I don`t bleieve him,but i guess we will see if we can work it out

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