Need Advice/ considering divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2003
Need Advice/ considering divorce
5
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 6:46pm

Hello, need advice........       I've been married for about 3yrs (my second marriage ). Two kids from 1st marriage. and one from my current.  My ex-husband was very irresponsible, didn't work  much and dragged me in debt with IRS. They were going to garnish my wages and I was 9mos. Pregnant. etc.    Everything was ok with my current husband. I was ready to buy a house. Have some money saved.  A few months ago, my current husband  confessed that he owed over 10yrs of backed taxes. IRS has garnished some of his wages, every  Time he gets  paid. Also, he had credit card debt so he was filing bankruptcy. He never told me before we married. He lied to me. I asked him several times before we got married regarding money etc.  he said had no problems financially.   After he told me , I was furious ! So I quickly filed for divorce. I want nothing to do with IRS. I've worked really hard tot pay everything off from my previous marriage. After my anger settled. I started thinking if. I rushed to file for divorce. Maybe I should honor my vows for better or for worse. And I should work through this problem with him. Now I was just going to do it for legal reasons. We would stay together in a relationship . This guy is 14yrs older than me. Is this wrong , to get a divorce so that legally I have no part of his debt.  But we still live together. Or do I need to  stick it through. ???? Please advice. I don't know what to do.                                                   

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 11:04pm

I think you should consult both a financial advisor and attorney.  For one thing, if you plan on staying together (divorced or not) how is this going to affect you financially if he is going to be paying all his money to the IRS?  And are any of the taxes owed for the time you were married?  Did you file joint returns?  Even if so, you could be protected by the "innocent spouse" rule.  You should also consider whether you own joint property.  I had clients (I"m a divorce lawyer) one time who had been separated for a long long time but didn't get divorced for religious reasons.  The DH got in some trouble regarding fraud and his criminal lawyer advised the wife to get a divorce to protect her assets.  They were still pretty friendly.  I do not feel it's wrong to get a divorce to protect yourself (and your children) financially from your DH's problems which you had no part of causing--and don't forget that he lied!  I think it's different from a situation where maybe your DH can't work due to an illness and you stay with him even though he doesn't have money & you both sacrifice.  He brought this on himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2003
Mon, 10-07-2013 - 11:51pm

Thank you so much for your kind advice. Its  helpful when you hear other perspectives. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 10-08-2013 - 3:05am

You need to protect yourself financially. Politicians and celebrities divorce for legal reasons but stay together so you could too.

The bigger concern is that he blatantly lied to you. He must have known about your IRS problems from your first marriage, and you asked him point blank more than once, and he chose to lie about something very important and keep up the lie for 3 years. That would cause a huge trust issue for me. I would question being with somebody that I couldn't fully trust----were there other lies before, will there be some in the future?

Like the other poster said, get professional advice on how to proceed. I hope that you are not responsible for any of this debt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2003
Tue, 10-08-2013 - 11:28am
Thank you for your advice. No , I'm not responsible for any of his debt. And yes, I am thinking about the Trust Issue.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 5:49am

  You will need several advisors and not only a divorce lawyer but one who can advise you of the tax liability and bankruptcy in your state.  A lot will depend on the state's laws and the federal IRS laws.  A divorce to protect your assets is just being smart.  Follow the laws.  They may be convoluted.  I suggest you do this before he can file for bankruptcy.

dragowoman