Need advice, ex is give mixed signal
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Need advice, ex is give mixed signal
| Wed, 05-03-2006 - 6:22pm |
my boyfriend and i broke up on sunday, he tells me he still loves me but we do need to take some time apart, for us to think about things, where we heading with life, and how important we are to each other. I talked to him today and he told me that he needs at least a month to think about things, then maybe we can get back together. I know he loves me and i know that the reason we broke up was because we argued a lot. We argued about little things, his inconsideration of my feelings, i would get mad at him a lot. I realized that but i guess it's too late. I told him i'm willing to change if he's willing to change with me, it takes two to tango, so it's gonna take two of us to fix things. He says he doesn't believe me. I told him that i don't want to lose him, he told me that he's not looking to be with any other women. That i have to trust him, that's not my concern, well it is but what i meant was losing him period. He told me i just have to give him some space, let him have the time he asked for so he can figure things out. What should i do? i need some advice, do you think he's really sincere that he just want some time to figure things out and there really is noone else? i know that i'm going to have to respect the fact that he needs some space, should i wait? i love him deeply and my heart aches everytime i think about not being with him. Please some advice!

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I sympathize with you. My boyfriend and I broke up about six weeks ago. I didn't see it coming. We had looked at engagement rings two days before that. He said he felt like he needed to concentrate on other things in his life, such as his relationship with God. He said he hoped it wouldn't be a permanent break up, and that he wasn't planning on looking for someone else. We continued to talk for the next couple of weeks. Then the next week I tried to call him and he didn't answer. After my third unanswered phone call, he called me back and told me that he had met someone. That broke my heart--how could someone who said he loved me and wanted to marry me find someone else that fast? I'm still upset about it, but I'm getting better. I've realized that he couldn't handle a serious commitment right now, and it's easier for guys to go out and find a shallow relationship than to take the time to figure things out or grieve about what they've lost.
I was willing to fight for the relationship, but he didn't have it in him to do that. I don't know if there is someone else, but I don't think you should just spend the next month waiting to hear from him. Concentrate on yourself right now--try to find some sort of peace with the situation. If it's meant to be, he'll be back, but don't shut your eyes to other possibilities. I still feel like my ex is the one for me, but I've come to the conclusion that the timing is bad. If we're supposed to be together, we will be, even in spite of ourselves. There is some comfort in that, as far as I'm concerned. I've decided to try to let go and let God.
Carrie
Carrie
Okay, I might ruffle some feathers here but I'm going to play devil's advocate.
Why do you want someone who doesn't want you? You should be with someone who knows without a shadow of a doubt and without having to think it over that he wants to be with you.
It sounds more like a concession prize here. Sorry, but it does.
Relationships do take a balance, but they don't need the parties to split up for a month. If he is the right one for you, then you shouldn't feel scared to bring up counseling and he shouldn't be against it.
Remember that a man will move mountains to make a relationship work if he WANTS to.
Try to do things for yourself, other activities, groups, hobbies, etc and you may find out that YOU don't want HIM after a month.
(((hugs)))
Because love isn't enough...it's just not. It would be wonderful if it were, but life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.
Give him the month he's requested, with no contact. He needs to see what life without you is like (it's the whole, "how can I miss you if you won't go away?" thing). But be prepared to move on at the end of it because there's no guarantee that at the end of that month, he'll want to work things out.
Sheri
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