Need advice, ex is give mixed signal

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Need advice, ex is give mixed signal
73
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 6:22pm
my boyfriend and i broke up on sunday, he tells me he still loves me but we do need to take some time apart, for us to think about things, where we heading with life, and how important we are to each other. I talked to him today and he told me that he needs at least a month to think about things, then maybe we can get back together. I know he loves me and i know that the reason we broke up was because we argued a lot. We argued about little things, his inconsideration of my feelings, i would get mad at him a lot. I realized that but i guess it's too late. I told him i'm willing to change if he's willing to change with me, it takes two to tango, so it's gonna take two of us to fix things. He says he doesn't believe me. I told him that i don't want to lose him, he told me that he's not looking to be with any other women. That i have to trust him, that's not my concern, well it is but what i meant was losing him period. He told me i just have to give him some space, let him have the time he asked for so he can figure things out. What should i do? i need some advice, do you think he's really sincere that he just want some time to figure things out and there really is noone else? i know that i'm going to have to respect the fact that he needs some space, should i wait? i love him deeply and my heart aches everytime i think about not being with him. Please some advice!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 4:45pm
Thank you for that advice! But if you don't mind me asking if you guys set up a date then why are you planning for it to turn out bad? And i totally agree that setting yourself up to expect the worse is the best way to go cause if it does end up working out then you'll be extremely happy, but if it doesn't then the blow would be less harsh. What i dont' get is i asked him if he WAS just trying to soften the blow he can just come straight out and tell me. And i also asked him that i know that he loves me but is he still in love with me and he told me of course he is. I'll be praying for you, hoping everything works out please keep me updated! I want to have some hope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 5:36pm
I expected the worst and the same thing that you are thinking i thought, why dont they just come straight to your face and say everything, but no i guess we have to stay with the mystery, that date we set up i think its not going to workout, i asked him yesterday throught a text message exactly which day he wanted to meet, the only thing he did he just ignored me, i sent him emails and more text messages and he just ignored me.That is why i was expecting things to turn out bad, and they are. Also, I fought with him a lot too like you did with your ex,i remember two weeks ago he told me that if I loved him then i should wait for him and give him the time he needed, but then he started saying all these weird things, and thats when i made my first mistake that i regret so much, i told him to forget about me, offcourse i was mad because of all he was saying, but i said it and we didnt talk for a week. No sign of him over a week, i felt like dying, past monday i called him and it was late already he said he had mixed feelings over me and i asked him if i had another opportunity and he told me he didnt know. By that time i just felt like he had given up on me even thought he loved me. Thats why the whole setting a date came on, but what i expected its coming.

I guess this time i really do have to give up on him and trust me he broke up with me almost a month ago and im still here weeping and feeling like you said a wreck without him, I love him very much, but i guess i have to learn how to survive without him :'(. I guess the reason why dont guys want to come up and tell you right in your face its because they know if they do they might end up hurting us and hurting themselves see us cry and weep over them. But yea its sad what happened to me, im just glad that at least you guys set up a date and for sure you guys are meeting. Maybe he is just confused about life, maybe right your guy is just trying to decide what he wants for his life and also wants to probably discover if he can live without you. Most of the times guys do this in order to find if they can live with or without you. Just like all of my friends said just chill for now, expect the worst, and pray for him and wait until june the first, give him his space and time. Wish you the Best, and lots of hugs!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 4:03pm

Men and women bond in different ways.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 2:45pm
That makes a lot of sense to me. We decided not to talk for a month so we both could focus on ourself. One of our mutual friend talked to him on Saturday. I was really upset on the phone because i kept thinking that the only reason he wanted to take a month without any contact (no phone calls, text messageing) was to make the pain easier for later when he tells me that there is no more chance for us. My husbands friend also agreed, he said that it seems like he was trying to soften the blow. well she ended up calling him. you see my ex's father committed suicide when he was 15 years old (he's turning 25 in june) and he has never been able to get over it. May is the anniversary month that his dad killed himself. She can relate because her dad also committed suicide when she was only 6. He told her that he need to find himself and learn to forgive his dad, and that he still loves me,he said that he loves me to death, but he can't deal with his dad and try to fix our relationship, because in a way he was unconciously pushing me away. He doesn't know what and where we'll be but he wants me to be ok, he can't hearing me cry. so hopefully he'll get the help that he needs(counseling) and there might still be a chance for us. Two people who love each other very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 5:19pm
I am going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago because he is trying to figure out what he wants out of life and he was feeling pressured to get married, because we have been together for so long. I kept calling him and trying to get him to change his mind, but then I realized that I can't do it for him, only he can change it. Now I am thinking if he does want me back am I going to be able to take him back? I will be thinking that he might break my heart again. I probably would take him back but it would take a long time for me to trust him completely again. I am respecting his wishes and you should respect your ex's also. Take this time for yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 10:11pm
it's been really tough, i miss him so much, this is the first time in 2 years that i have gone this long without any contact with him! I'm just so empty and afraid when that month comes he'll tell me that it's really over! I'm praying that everything will work out for the best. i wish you luck also and please keep me updated on your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:58am
i woke up today feeling sad and depressed. My heart was racing a thousand times faster, i felt so empty inside. I miss him so much and i hate this. I hate feeling that i've lost him forever. When you love someone so much why do people go through this. i am really concerned his boss called yesterday and she never calls unless he doesn't show up to work! it broke my heart having to tell her i had i no idea and that we broke up and this would not be a good number for her to be calling if yu wanted to get in touch with him. Why? Why? If you really loves me he would want me by his side and help and support him while he's going through all this. :( i just can't take it anymore!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 10:03am
Girl like I said I know what you are going through. It has now been 2 weeks and one day since he broke up with me. I keep thinking about him, but then I realize that does me no good, so I do something to busy myself so I won't think of him. I have things all around me that remind me of him, but I'm doing okay. I know that if it is meant to be it will work out. You just have to have faith that if you and him are supposed to be together then you will. He loves you and hopefully he will realize that before its too late.
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anonymous user
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 1:35pm

I m in the same boat n fully understand how u feel... My ex asked for time off (from April till Sept) n asked me to wait for him. He also promised that he will let me know should there be someone new come along the way. He said no one can replace me n he loved n miss me. He said he will keep me posted whenever he can.

Initially he did and I thought we are still together and we are 'working' separately to work out the problems that we need to fix. I tried very hard not to call him (but i cant help it but did call n not once did he answer or return my calls). But he would send me text message once a while telling me to hang on n he loved me. It was about a month ago since I last heard from him via text message where he said he still loved me n missed me. He also said he's very stressed n need some time. I tried very hard not to call n I have to be honest... I did call every now n then n as usual i could not get a hold of him in any form. I tried text messaging, emailing....

Last weekend, I started to get worried for him. I tot something might happen to him and i also want to know what has happened n if he still loves me. So I finally called again n to my shocking, i found out that he has already moved on n found someone new! It was devastating n heartbroken! I m hurt, confuse n loss... I have been working very hard on the plans that we work on and i thought he is doing the same.. but i never expect its over for us. I m confused why didnt he tell me he already has someone new and asked me not to wait for him? Why did he not tell me in any form that we are over??

I did not give up. I want an answer from him so tat i know what to do next. I dun understand how could he told me he still loved me and yet to be with someone else. I dun believe he has completely forgotten about me/ us in such short period. I called n called n called .... i guessed i m sooooo annoying tat we finally settled things through instant messaging.... He finally told me he did not want to talk to me anymore, asked me to leave him alone, it over for us for good and asked me to moved on.

I asked for a 2nd chance (I loved him very very much!!!! n i know i have hurt him n let him down in the past n i am willing to do anything to change it n i want to be with him... still!!!!) but he said no... its too late. He said the girl makes him realize he has missed out a lot and the girl just loved him! (There were some misunderstanding between us.. he thought I have left him when he is in the bottom of his life when he has lost his job, totally broke n i wasnt there for him when he needed me most!! Me.. i was accmpanying my mom visiting her relatives in Asia when this happened but during the whole trip, i never stop thinking abt him n we have been communicating - but unfortunately we fought alot during tat time... n i only found out about his situation when i returned to canada in April... I should have gone over to see him - we stayed an hour apart. I still regretted it.. i still love him n miss him.... :( ).

I know there is no way that he is changing his mind on us... he has already moved on n found someone new... n me... still at where we left off... n i wasnt prepared for this ending.... i felt so lonely n i miss him so much!

I sent him an email after we last communicated. I thanked him for all that he has dun for me in the past n i wish him n the girl well. I told him i will always loved him n missed him. I also told him i will not 'disturb' him anymore but i also told him that should he need anything or if there is anything i can help him in the future, i will still he happy to help him even he said we are over for good now.

Beside letting him go, i dunno whatelse i can do... :( and i trufully want him to be happy n be well....

I m still trying to cope n get over this but reading all the advises others are giving u makes me feel better! I know i will not recovered now but eventually i will. And who knows one day he might miss me n want to be together again!? (but of course this day is slim to nothing...)

I have not called him for 2 days now n today is the 3rd day.... oh n the first thing i did after sending him the last email, i deleted his numbers from my contact list to prevent the convenient of calling him again...

The sky is still grey today for me but at least the raining has turned to dizzling... I believe one day the sun will come out soon...

Oh n i am not sure if anyone could give me some advise on how to motivate myself.... at times i just dun feel like doing anything... i feel tat i have lost everything n doing anything is meaningless.... :(

sad girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 3:51pm
See we only decided to take a month without any contact. We spoke on our anniversary and he told me that when june 1st comes we're not getting back together. He said that maybe in the future, a year or two from now when we're more grown up and mature, and ready for each other.I had already kinda knew in my heart that we weren't! But i've asked him over and over has he met anyone and if he did would he just please tell me! that way it would be easier for me to move on. He still is sticking to the fact that he loves me, misses me, and i'm the only woman he cares for out here in california, and his intentions are not to find anyone else new! I've asked myself plenty of times, then why does he not want to go to counseling and work this out with me? I probably will never know! So everyday i've been giving up, letting go little by little! I miss him dearly and he still has my heart, but i've realized that i can't make someone want to be with me. I DON'T want someone who does not want me! He said he was going to call on the first so we can talk, but getting together is already out of the picture! He's probably just going to tell me that he just wants to be friends...i would like that but not for a while i have to give myself time to heal my broken heart. I haven't talked to him for 4 days now, but we've gone a week without talking. I know that this is not hitting him as hard as it's hitting me! I miss him alot! I love him with all of my heart, always will. I'm still in love with him, but i have to do what i think is the best for me right now and that's letting go...If we're meant to be we'll be, we met at school in front of the library...we found each other once and if GOD wants us together he'll find a way for us to meet again! PLease keep me updated with you and how YOU are doing! Anytime you need to vent!

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