Need Advice . Please
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Need Advice . Please
| Tue, 08-28-2007 - 3:00am |
Hello everyone, I am new to this board. I will keep it short. After 6.5 years my ex broke up with me. After one year of a HORRIBLE relationship with another woman, he meets anotehr woman and after only 6 weeks gets married.. Needless to say I am not over him no matter how hard I try. He has been married a year now and we have always kept in contact. Have not seen him since he married but phone contact we have had... Anyhow she recently told him that she no longer wanted him and I to communicate anymore. My question is this, well i have alot but i will only ask a couple here. First of we have been through so much is it too late to do the NC thing?Is the effect gone after all this time? I mean, has too much time gone by to where that NC works in making the ex regret his decision? TO make him see how much he misses me? My friends say no , just stop anyswering his calls and if its meant to be it will be..Are there any believers in that saying?
I also wanted to know how it was so easy for him to move on and not only that get married after 6 weeks????
I was going to write him a letter and make him a cd but after reading some of your posts I have changed my mind. I still cry every day and can't get him off my mind. Just wanted some encouragement that its not too late to try the NC and really to get everyones take on why after 6.5 years with me how he can marry someone after 6 weeks... Does that mean their meant to be?
OK Sorry guys I have go on too much . I just need people to talk to, besides my friends whom I have deafened them with plots/plans...lol
Any advice would be greatly apprecaited.
Thanks,
Dawn
I also wanted to know how it was so easy for him to move on and not only that get married after 6 weeks????
I was going to write him a letter and make him a cd but after reading some of your posts I have changed my mind. I still cry every day and can't get him off my mind. Just wanted some encouragement that its not too late to try the NC and really to get everyones take on why after 6.5 years with me how he can marry someone after 6 weeks... Does that mean their meant to be?
OK Sorry guys I have go on too much . I just need people to talk to, besides my friends whom I have deafened them with plots/plans...lol
Any advice would be greatly apprecaited.
Thanks,
Dawn

Ok, you're seriously all over the place and I'm sorry about that, because it's making you not see things very clearly. I'll be honest with you and say that probably no one is going to give you encouragement to pursue a MARRIED MAN. Reason is because I personally don't want that kind of bad karma to come around a kick me in the butt, and neither will most other other people. That should tell you something about how good an idea it is-- it's not. Really, it's just neither healthy nor good for you. One very good way to make sure you don't like yourself is to chase after someone who is married, because it takes very low self-esteem to hang onto someone so completely unavailable to you.
I realize you had a longer relationship with him than either his rebound girlfriend or his WIFE, but you really must learn to honor boundaries and not even consider "writing him a letter and making him a cd." How would you like it if you were married and your husband's ex continued to speak to him and not only that, but pine for him as well, and make it really very obvious she wanted to break you up? How would it feel from that end?
About no contact: It's not about making someone regret not being with you, it's about giving yourself time to get clear about things, mainly about reality. You're not living in a reality-based existence if you're plotting and planning to make a married man regret his decision and leave his wife for you. IF something like that were to happen, it would be because of natural events, like you go away and leave him alone because it's the right thing to do to RESPECT the boundaries of marriage and go off to live your own life, find your own path, improve and enhance your life without regard to him. If you are each calling each other all the time to the point his wife is bothered by it, it's painfully obvious neither of you has respect for marriage and it's sanctity. That doesn't bode well for you if you two were to ever get together again, because you don't' know how to respect-- either yourselves or marriage in general. I personally don't want to get married, but that doesn't mean I don't respect people's marriages. You might want to consider what your actions have been saying about you.
I'm not surprised your friends have turned a deaf ear to this anymore, you're well on your way down a self-destructive path. I know your friends couldn't possibly want to see you do anything to hurt yourself, and neither would any of us. You need time away and probably even some counseling so you can learn to love yourself and make good choices for yourself. Our lives are shaped by the choices we make, and I have to say you haven't been making very good ones where your love life is concerned and it's a huge part of anyone's life, so you do the math on that. I'm not sure you even like yourself much right now because you must know what you're doing is wrong, irregardless of whether you agree with his decision to marry, he DID decide to marry her and not you.
Your best bet for real happiness in this world is to let go of this man, RESPECT his decision to marry someone else, respect YOURSELF even more by staying away from him and the drama he brings to your life, and begin to make your life be the best it can be-- without him in it. I can guarantee you that once you do these things, your life will turn around and you won't be dealing in the sadness any longer.
Good luck,
Welcome to the board dawnssad,
It's never too late to start No Contact. However, not for the reason you want to.
Thank you very much for your words.. I know all of this and i need to just stop. I just amscared to think this person who played such a large part of my life, I can't ever talk or see him ever again!!!! that is very scary..
Thanks again