NEED advice please
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| Thu, 05-11-2006 - 11:02am |
I did have a run in with my ex and it resulted in a "bender" between him and I. Ultimately I am all right but have been left really worried about him and am stuck on a decision that I must now make.
We ran into eachother at a party last weekend. He was drunk and ultimately did not look all that great. He also apparantly still smokes pot. The sex was not at all good (unusual) and he just seemed a bit all over the palce and unravelled.
I want to know if it is alright to call him and say something about this. Im just concerned because Im pretty sure he has a pot problem and a drinking issue and it just seems to have gotten worse and I dont think anyone has or is saying anything to him about it. I talked to my therapist about it and she doesn't think it is a bad idea for me to do it but Im stuck because Im unclear as to my REAL motives.
He will FOR SURE lash out about this, thinking its a ploy for me to squeeze back into his life, or that I am a hypocrit . Also, my basis may be poor in that I haven't seen or spoken to him in like 5 months. But a week ago last week he DID call me at midnight from a parking lot while drunk after all his friends left him. He is just "all over the place" and I got a bad feeling.
I had called and texted him on his birthday to leave a message wishing him well. He didn't respond at all. But before that he had called me after our "bender" to see if I was alright. I dont know...
I know I cant save him and I probably wont be the one who can help him, but I feel like it is sort of my responsibility to say something if someone I cared so much about, and still do, is destroyiung himself.
He admitts to that he is probably gonna die young. He is just such a sad sad guy. Oh, and it is WITHOUT a doubt that he would never do anything like this for me.
Advice??

I think it's a bad idea and it won't do any good anyway, but if you feel you need to do it, then do it...but then you need to be DONE. Don't use this as an excuse to allow yourself to be sucked back in....you're really on a slippery slope right now.
Sheri
It is a very slippery slope and I realize that.
My therapist said that although I will likely NOT get any reaction from him and if I do it will almost for sure be a bad reaction, at least HE will know that someone notices enough to say something.
I dont know what is right to do OR if I may be doing this more for me than for him.
In that case, until you're sure of your motives, you shouldn't do anything.
And FWIW, as a person with 12 years of sobriety, I can tell you that you saying something will almost certainly not do any good, anyway...I just resented people who told me I had a problem.
He is the one who needs to come to that realization...no amount of people telling you you have a problem does any good.
Sheri
The more I think about it, the more I tend to believe it may really be my way of trying to get back in there.
I just hope nothing bad happens to him.
Breaking up is such a hard thing.
I'm staying away and am not going to say anything at this point. From past experience I know I'll probably just end up hurt and "that" is exactly what makes this idea about me and not about him.
Sometimes I really drive myself crazy when it comes to this guy.
Truth be told, I can't wait for the other one to be out of the picture so I can continue to just work on "me" again. The process really and truly does take a long long time.
best of luck to us all ;-)