Need advice...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Need advice...
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 9:21pm

I met my first boyfriend about 11 years ago online and I have lived with him for about 5 years now and (as you can imagine) we are at a disconnect in our relationship. Some days I don't want anything to do with him and others I can't imagine not having him there. Most of these feelings I think are coming from him not wanting to contribute to the relationship. I feel like I do everything for both of us. When we lived alone he would never do anything to help me around the apartment and all he would do is sit at his computer and play games. Now we live with my sister in a different state and for the past 3 months he hasn't been worried at all about getting a job. He doesn't even look and has only applied to a few. I can't support him forever and I don't think I should have to. Not only does he not do anything for himself, but I think we don't have anything in common. He is a total geek and loves to play games whereas I pretty much hate games and would rather watch a movie. He constantly is making me feel like there is something wrong with me because he says I don't have any hobbies. It infuriates me! Just because I don't do what he likes doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. AND when we do something together he gets so angry so fast that he ruins the experience for me! The last time we went to IKEA he threw a fit and started practically running through the place because he was mad it was so packed with people! Now when I think about leaving him it makes me feel guilty because he has no job and just about nowhere to go. I can't just kick him out...I just don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. Sorry for the rambling and I'm sorry for any confusion I just needed to vent. Advice please and thank you so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
In reply to:
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:07am

Hi Angel,

I had to respond to what you wrote here:

The last time we went to IKEA he threw a fit and started practically running through the place because he was mad it was so packed with people!

My ex-BF was just like that.  He was always freaking out over minor inconveniences that most people would just brush off and move on.  I never knew what would set him off; yes, stores packed with people, waiting on line, getting stuck at red lights, paying more than he expected, music too loud in a bar, rain, a restaurant being out of something he wanted.  I know exactly what you mean about it ruining everything.  I never could enjoy what we were doing because I never knew what might set him off.  It gets very draining and exhausting, believe me.  Not to mention the embarrasment of everyone seeing a grown man carrying on like a child!

That, and along with everything else you mentioned, you deserve MUCH better.  You don't want someone with an anger problem.  And please, DON'T feel guilty; he's not your responsibility!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 8:43pm
I actually LOL'ed at some of this. "Left to fend for himself"????? He's not a puppy or an infant. This is a grown man who apparently is perfectly capable of taking care of himself but chooses not to. ALL of us have to "fend for ourselves"! At least those of us who are responsible adults.

And the one who is being "indifferent" is him, not her. He's indifferent to the fact that she has to bust her tail to support his non-working butt. Either that or he just doesn't care.

I know a couple of grown men who are pushing 40 and are still being supported financially by their parents. All they are is a drain on their elderly parents' finances and a waste of space IMO. The only "mental problem" they have is that their parents never required them to grow up and be responsible. It's a mistake all right, but a mistake on the part of the parents, not the adult children. But I suppose they too are "in a bind".

I don't think the OP should make the same mistake. That's my opinion.