Need Advice..not sure what to do
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| Sat, 11-27-2004 - 6:13pm |
ok...i'm sure that this will end up giving me a few bad responses, but I need some advice. I am currently in a relationship, we have lived together for over 4 years and been together almost 6 years. He is a great guy, but over the past year or so the effort has just stopped (on both parts to be fair to him). However, he is trying now, we have been talking for the past few weeks and he is trying to be better now. The problem is, it is not making a difference to me, I am trying to see it and be happy but you cant force yourself to feel something that seems to be gone.
The other part of my problem is that, I have been chatting to a guy online for the past 3 years, as friends only, we like to play games together etc and thats where it ended, I was never looking for anything at all from it and neither was he. But over the past 6-8 months things changed with us and there is alot of attraction there now. I went and met him a couple of weeks ago, and I felt bad about it, as I am a firm beleiver that I should clean up the problems I have before moving on, but I needed to get away so I went. It was good. Now that I am home, and I had decided to give it another chance here, I still cant stop thinking about this guy from the internet, he is awesome. He lives pretty far away though, and if I pursued anything, it would be a long-distance relationship, which I am ok with, as I think I would need some 'me' time for awhile anyway.
My problem is that I dont want to hurt my boyfriend, as I said he is a great guy, and hasnt done anything major wrong, no more than I have. I am a little afraid to move on for many reasons, but feel like I need to, which will put me in a bad spot financially, and I am also afraid that I am only going through this because we have been together for so long, and I miss those beginning feelings fo a relationship.
To top it all off, neither of them know about each other at all, which I know is horribly wrong, and not something that is in my nature to do, but here I am and I want to stop this right away.
Sorry for the long post...can someone please give me some advice....Thanks

It sounds like you already have your foot out the door in your current relationship. If you have honestly analyzed the relationship you are currently in and are simply not happy anymore then you should break things off. Relationships do not always end because somebody did something bad, sometimes feelings just change and two people just grow apart from each other. Six years is a long time to be with someone and if you are young there is a good chance you are just growing out of your old relationship.
The worst thing you can do is stay in a relationship because you are fearful of the unknown. I do not think you should leave your current relationship simply to be with someone else, this new guy is probably filling a void or desire of some kind, not to say there isn't a possiility with him in the future but I don't think right now is the time to pursue a new relationship with anyone. You will have issues and feelings with ending your old relationship that you need to deal with, the last thing you want is to have something happen to the new relationship with this new guy that leaves you running back to the old one.
My advice is to take some time to yourself and be fair to both of these guys by doing so. You say you need some time to yourself so take some and figure out what you need to do to make yourself happy, don't worry about choosing between these two guys, just choose to take the time to be with just yourself for a while. Plus, who's to say there isn't somebody better for you that isn't either one of these guys??
Oh hun......if you are thinking that you need some "me" time, then don't get involved in another relationship. that's not fair to the other person, or to you. Dig deep, find out what you really want, and do it. Don't drag it out, and don't pretend to have feelings for someone when you don't.
much hugs,
Karen