Need a Boost of Encouragement!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Need a Boost of Encouragement!
3
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 6:53am


Well Everyone I did it! I made my first 7 days of No Contact....then I heard from him and he left me a message:

He basically said he wishes we could see each other on a casual basis, like once a week, and talk every few days, but he doesnt think Ill be happy with what hes offering. He claims theres no one else in his life. I could probably be happy with a man in a relationship like that, but with it being him, I dont know if I could make it work for a few reasons.

1. Trust - He broke that trust when he lied to me for so long about his living situation. Even though it changed back in January, he still lied to me.
2. Im afraid that if I do Ill always being wanting more from him than he's willing to give and Ill once again as I did in the past close myself off from meeting new guys.

A relationship like this seems like a FWB and thats not going to ever satisfy my wants and needs in life. Its not that I want a man around 24/7 its just that I want someone I can count on to be there for me, someone I can call just because I need a friendly voice, someone to take me to social events etc...I cant have that with him...theres already rules in place about contact only every few days! A good relationship doesnt have these strong boundaries.

I know whats best for me here, and its to keep moving on...but its that lonliness that gets to me, and the missing him.....but I think seeing him is a disaster waiting to happen. And already yesterday I caught myself considering it because I thought that same thing I always think: Maybe this will lead to getting back to the good times we had and we will be a couple again in time.......ITS FANTASY THINKING!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 10:05am
Keep up the no contact. 7 days is very good, shoot for 14 now. Think of yourself and what you want first and foremost. You don't want FWB then don't be, I think you are right in the fact that for you it is fantasy thinking. You deserve better than that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 5:23pm
Seven days and counting.... Here's to the next 7 days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 10:54pm

I understand what you're going through. The thing that helps is knowing that, as Carrie said, my feelings will change and reminding myself that the more I mess with this wound (seeing and talking to him) the longer it will take to heal. I know that any relief/happiness/hopefulness I may feel will turn to sadness and anxiety when I'm not with him.

You can do this! Stay strong. You know what's best for you.