Need to call it a day - but how best?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Need to call it a day - but how best?
2
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:59am

Hi everyone

I used this message board 2 or 3 years ago when I last spilt from my boyfriend and found it so helpful (forgot username!!)

Basically I'm in relationship which if u discount a 6 month seperation is 12 years old. We have a house, car and two lovely dogs.

We spilt 2-3 years ago because the relationship had gone stale, we were living seperate lives, not doing things together, no romance, didnt talk and the sex was crap if any. But we were like best mates as in same interests (film, music, view on life etc)

Now it been leading to the same circumstances but yet we still seem to get on well and everything is not quite as bad as before. Except one thing - I have been seeing someone else (bad I know) but this person means the world he makes me feel wanted, we seem like soul mates and there is a passion there I have not ever had with my boyfriend and we have
same interests, outlook on life etc. I actually have a feel a spark, passion, excitement....

My boyfriend and myself know and have said things are not good as we don't spend no time together and for me I have no interest in sex - no sex drive at all with him to be honest but if I'm totally honest I don't feel we have ever been sexually compatible?? This morning he asked me is any point in us been together, I didn't answer which got the reply of 'that doesn't bode well' at the time I didnt feel ready to lay my cards on the table, my head wasn't ready for it. I love my boyfriend I feel I'm not 'in love' with him and this isn't fair to carry the relationship on but there is so much as stake to loose and sort out in the aftermath of it all which is why I'm probably delaying the matter.

What I'm looking for is advice on how best to do this with causing least upset possible, I dont want to let him know about the 'other man' as wrong as it may be - just think it would hurt him so much more and make things bitter and awkward to sort .... oh what a mess but at the end of the day house and belongings are materials. Life is too short ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:20pm

Hi girldissolved and welcome to the board...this was your perfect lead in to ending the relationship: "This morning he asked me is any point in us been together"


That's how you approach it, 'Remember when you asked, I think we should talk about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 2:36pm

Thanks for the welcome :)

Yeah it's a good lead your correct, I'm just so rubbish sayin things at best of times and this all needs to be worded so well and in a way so that he understands things are at an end without no hurtful things said...if thats possible :/