Need closure,What do u think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Need closure,What do u think?
2
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 4:04pm

Sorry kind of long!Just need to tell my story and have people give their opinion. A year and a half ago met a guy starting hanging out as friends couple weeks later slept together and then never talked about like it didnt happen contuined being friends but then i sercertly developed more and more feelings. His story was he had just moved cross country by himself to start over after a divore, he i only 24 by the way. Anyway made a life here and because friends with my whole circle of friends. We always knew there was more between him and i then buddys but he said he wanted to be single for a year and get over what had happened and i respected that, but i still couldnt be with anyone because i was hung up on him. Six months into the friendship ended up slepting together agian agian and agian. Then acting like a couple but never labeled it and this was getting to me i didnt now what he wanted. To make it worse became friends with my best friend and roomate. So one night blow up told him i loved him and i hate what he was doing and he stop talking to me. I was devastated, i couldnt eat , sleep get out of bed. But he didnt stop coming around he still hung out with my friend all the time it hurt me. Finally we had a talk he said we could only be friends right now and he wishes i could wait for him he i just not ready now. I started to move on and three months later came back to me saying he missed me his is in love him me he tryed dating and he realized i am the one he was just scared. He told me everything i wanted to here, he moved in we were in love and everything was the way i always wanted it to be, he was the perfect boyfriend. We talked about the furture, getting are own place and then he starting acting different so i started freaking out. He told me i needed to let go of what happened in the past that he loved me he wasnt leaving me agian. Well he decised to move down the street with his friends before we got a place together but promised he wasnt leaving me. Nov1st helped him move in got him a bed helped him move in then didnt here from him in two days. I called him finally to see what was up he told me to relax everthings fine he is just overwhelmed. HE never called agian. A week later found out he had been telling people he broke up with me. I went over the next day grabbed my stuff asked him if that was ture , he woulded answer me so i called him a coward and said i would be back for my bed, he said ok and walked away. Never talking to him agian. I am just left with WHAT? How do i find closure,what was real,who does that,how do i trust anyone? I am just left with nothing but questions and a brokenheart all i did for him is invest way to much. Tell me what you think. thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 5:32pm
It sounds to me like your guy can't decide what he really wants. He just got out of a marriage and most likely needs time to truely heal from that. But I know what it is like to have your boyfriend deny you to his friends. When my boyfriend and I took a break a little over a month ago, he never told any of his friends that we got back together. He told them we E-mailed sometimes but that was it. I know it is hard, but you have to leave him alone for a while so he can figure his life out, it sounds like he is too confused about everything in his life to be in a real relationship right now. Good luck and let us know what happens with him OK?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 6:02pm
I think the problem here is you're wanting closure for this break up, but you were never in a real relationship to "break up" in the first place. It's hard, if not impossible, to get closure out of something that was never opened. You're wanting the break up courtesy that a GF deserves, but you were never his GF. You were friends with bennifits if anything. You developed feelings for him and when you laid it all out for him, he split. What do you want for him to say? "You were good sex but I don't want to give you anything more than that"? Nothing he could say is going to make you feel better or make it hurt any less. So give yourself the closure. You've just been freed from this guy now that you've truly seen him for the selfish coward that he is. You deserve better. You deserve a guy who wants to be with you. You deserve a guy who doesn't leave you wondering about him. You deserve a man who lets you know that you are TheONE. Case closed.