need help with nc

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
need help with nc
2
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:18pm

I can't stop calling him! I just don't know how. My bf and I broke up on Saturday after 3 years of a difficult relationship. He said that he loved me, and wished it could work, but that he just thought we had way too much drama in our lives. We have had short break-ups throughout or relationship, but it was allomst always me saying that it was over. I know look back on all the ways that I could have been a better girlfriend. I recognize it as a pattern in my past relationships. I want to work hard to be someone who is easier to get along with and as he puts it someone who is willing to make applesauce outta situations. I know that I need to do that, I'm committed to doing it and I will do whatever it takes to do that. I jsut realize it all to late and I am so mad at myself for not realizing it in time. I don't want to let him go! I want to make those changes with his support and I want it to be him that I end up with. On the other hand, I know that I can't change his mind. Knowing and accepting are way too different of things.

I have to not call him! I haven't eatten since the break-up and I feel totally psycho that I can't get a grip here. Any advice would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: bay1995
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:44pm

ACTUALLY IS NATURAL FOR A BROKEN HEART TO BE DEPRESSED. CANT EAT, CANT SLEEP, CANT FOCUS AND ALL THE WORD "CANT".

ITS HARD TO CONTROL YOUR SELF TO KEEP ON CALLING THE ONE THAT WE LOVE RIGHT? BUT THE WAY I DO IT IS I BALANCE EVERYTHING....GOOD AND THE BAD ONES. IF THE BAD ONES SEEMS MORE. I DONT THINK THERES REASON FOR ME TO STAY IN THAT RELATIONSHIP. UNLESS AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP YOUR THE ONE DOING ALL THE CONFLICT OR ALWAYS START ARGUMENTS WITHOUT REASON....IT SEEMS THAT YOU SCARED HIM AWAY...GIRL YOU OWN THIS GUY YOUR APOLOGY.

GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: bay1995
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 3:33pm

I want you to really think about what I'm going to say here - Your behavior (continuing to call) is validatiing his choice/decision to end the relationship with you and the drama of the relationship. Even though there was a break-up, by continuing to call you are playing out the drama that he so dislikes. You are only pushing him further and further away.

So what can you do for you? Start journal writing. Vent on paper. Every time you feel like calling him, pick up a pen instead and write him an UNSENT letter. Over and over if necessary.


Carrie