Need Help....Please!
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| Tue, 08-03-2004 - 9:48pm |
Lets see, where do I begin....Ok about a month and a half ago my BF of 2 years broke up with me. I have a child and that scares him to death, he states he loves my son but never wants to be responsible for another human being. He has serious issues from his childhood. He also fears that he'll never be ready to be at "the man" that I want him to be. I love this guy deeply, we have been through sooo much as I'm sure most of you have too. I'm hurt that we were together for 2 years and made me believe we were going to be a family and let my son get attached. At the same time I respect that he is telling me now rather than have it go any further and hurting my child (my son is 3). The thing is after the initial break up he wanted the no contact rule, as hard as it was I agreed. After less than a week he was calling me and we even agreed to go on a vacation we had already had planned (just the two of us). Things were fantastic and we even ended up, well you know. The thing is I have continued to sleep with him (can I ask why sex is so much better now?) but I now feel like I'm thinking with my head instead of my heart and know this is wrong and is hurting me more. It's really like we aren't broken up other than the fact that we don't say, "I love you" and I haven't brought him around my son. We are still hanging out and emailing and talking on the phone. After reading everyones posts I guess he is a CP, but do I continue this unhealthy behavior to keep "the friend" because if I told him the truth now he would flip because he has a big honesty issue with how your feeling when your feeling it, even if you didn't realize things. I'm just so lost, I love him, and I want to be with him, but I know now that I'm never going to have things the way I want them???? What do I do??
Any advice would be great! Sorry for the loop holes - I'm a little emotionally distraught right now.
Am

Your words are so true. I know this is what I need to do, is to cut loose. It's just so damn hard. I love this guy, who obviously doesn't feel the same about me and is never going to commit. I just feel that if I lose him all together, I lose part of myself. I don't have many friends, for which I gave them up for him (i know, very stupid) I also worry about him and him being alone. We do so much for each other, probably me doing more, but I just worry. He is the first and only person I can picture myself with. The thought of me with someone else is not even imaginable and him with someone else would truly break my heart. I know thats why I should stop this now, this friends w/ benefits because its never going to blossom into what I want. I guess I'm really just typing this now for reassurance. Thanks for listening (or in this case reading)! Any advice is always greatly appreciated.
Am