Need Inspiration

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Need Inspiration
1
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 12:55pm

Im having a really bad couple of days - miss my ex so much even though its been almost 3 mos NC. To rub salt in the wound, all of my friends are in love or having babies. What does help is that I strongly believe in karma and that what goes around comes around - and I know there are stories of women like me being cruelly dumped and then having the last laugh in some way.......whether it be hearing that the ex is miserable, or meeting someone new and great. Maybe its immature that hearing those kind of stories makes me feel better, but it does help me see that I will not always be feeling like this.

Anyone have any advice or stories to share? Would much appreciate today!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 2:07pm

Hi Waterworks,

I remember the 3 month anniversary of NC very well. I struggled with letting go and moving on because my heart was still healing.

Having said that, I did want to share a story that might make you feel better. My ex of 3.5 years was a real a**hole after the breakup (and during the relationship if I'm being honest :)) He ended up dating a girl two weeks after we broke up while still living in our house, never paid bills I had given him money for and got my utilities shut off after he had already moved out, never called to ask if my mom survived breast cancer, the list goes on. Anyway, he eventually moved in with her and proceeded to tell any friend of mine that he ran into how great everything was and how they were moving to San Diego (the place we had decided to move if he ever finished his degree). I was struggling just casually dating. Needless to say, I felt pretty down. In the winter there was another report from him to one of my friends that he and his new girlfriend were moving in two months and he had finally started finishing his degree online. Everything was just so great! Grrrr.

It was then that I decided I was done grieving. I had sat on that roller coaster for 6 months and I was finished with it. I stopped all casual dating, threw myself into remodeling my house, went out with friends, started running more, got back into painting...basically got back to being me and started realizing how awesome I truly am and how crappy of a person he really was. It felt great. At the end of March I randomly ran into a friend of a friend that I had always thought was a great person and incredibly cute. We talked, started hanging out in big groups, and eventually went on our first date. I knew immediately that his personality and character were everything I wanted and the ex wasn't. Is he perfect? Nope. Am I? Definitely not. But there is a connection and respect between the two of us that I never felt with the ex. I don't know where it's all going and we've just recently gotten to the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, but I know that no matter what happens I've learned how to be happy on my own.

Oh, and just to make you feel better...Two weekends ago I was out on a Saturday night with my new guy, having possibly one of the best dates ever. Sushi, drinks, pool playing, laughing, meeting up with our friends. It was great. And guess who was sitting at the bar with a different girl and staring at me like I had flames coming out of my head. Yep, the ex. He tried a few times to talk to me while I was getting drinks, but I blew him off. Apparently San Diego and the girlfriend didn't work out too well. I've also heard he has had his car broken into and was evicted from the apartment with her. I feel sad for him, but I feel much better for myself! ;)

I hope this helps jolt you from your bad couple of days. It will get better and not only that, it will get better than it ever was with him. I firmly believe that because of how much we seem to learn about ourselves after a breakup. Good luck.

RG