Need of a NC Push

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Need of a NC Push
8
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 6:34am

Hi everyone! Just dropping a post to say that I slipped on the NC. Sometimes its tough to admit to others, but if I come here and admit it, maybe someone here will kick my butt or give me a good yelling at to get me moving along again.

I made 7 days and slipped. He called and I picked up and talked with him. He was leaving for 10 days on vacation with his kids to the beach. He told me before he hung up that he would call me while he was gone...instead of being strong and saying NO DONT, I said OK. He has a court date on friday for a dwi he got (which is another reason on my list of reasons to stay away) and I wished him luck and told him to let me know how he did ARGH!! Why did I do this???

Well 5 days have gone by and I havent heard a word from him, nor have I contacted him. I miss him, but I think the tough part is, is that when we talked he sounded like he missed me too.

I know its best he doesnt call, and the hard part about him not calling is that I miss him so much and I dont think Im even a passing thought in his mind. I suppose I just want to feel like he may miss me too and think of me.

He told me he was staying with his parents at their beach house, but his ex girlfriend (the one he had living with him and neglected to tell me about) has a home (one they owned together until this past december) only one town away at the beach. I keep thinking he hasnt called because ONCE again he lied to me, and hes there with her.

Does it really matter where hes staying???? If she wants him and takes back a lying cheating creep isnt that her problem not mine??? Shouldnt I just say good luck to her (only in my mind lol) and move on with my life???

Why am I doing this to myself? Someone tell me its gonna get easier and to keep letting go of him.....

Friends and family have told me to start dating again, but its only been a couple months, and Im just not ready. They say it helps to move on, I tried and my heart wasnt in it at all..I hate the lonely feeling but in the same breath I cant find any interest in being with someone else.

Give me a push someone!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:45am

Hey you,

Yes, it's going to get easier. And remember, the only way out is through.

Email me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 6:03pm

No yelling, just pick yourself up and start over again.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 8:19pm

*hugs* don't worry, I Truely feel your pain right now. No contact is hard. But recognizing that you have a hard time with it is the first step.

Personally I stink at NC. I can't have any easy access or I break. I took him off my IM list, deleted his contacts, and just generally destroyed him out of my life. That includes blocking his email address. And you know, oddly, while I was doing all of that, it hurt a LOT. But the pain subsides and I truly felt better after I did it.

But regarding calling.

a. If i felt like i NEEDED to call him, I dialed someone else.

b. If he called me, I taped notes all over my phone with "Why are you backsliding?", "Let it go to the answering machine", "Did he pick up your calls when you called him?" (my ex ignored my phone calls when we were breaking up).

c. If I weakened and picked up, I gave him 5 sentances. If within those 5 lines, the words "I screwed up", "I want you back", "let's try again", "Let's go to counselling", "Let's get back together", or in your case "i dumped the other woman", were not in evidence, I'd hang up. He's looking for an ego stroke and not to get back together and I didn't have time for that.

But honestly the best solution...I got out of the house and left all forms of communication at home where I couldn't get at them.

Good luck! You did it once, and you can do it again.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:45pm

Thanks for sharing the post-it note idea... reminds me of some of the good ideas in this thread:


How To Get Over Your Breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 5:19am
Just today I posted about my weakness with the "NC" rule. All I can do is say, I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE YOU DO. Of couse, my ex has NEVER tried to contact me, so if he did, in my case...IT WOULD BE A BIG DEAL. But I feel like you do....I miss him, I think about him and his "new" girlfriend, and I don't think I have even crossed his mind for 1 second since he broke up with me...oh, except for the times I broke the NC rule. He wasn't rude, but he wasn't 'happy' to hear from me. I hope I didn't bum you out...just want you to know I feel your pain. Tina

Tina Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:26am

Well Im dusting off and getting back up again...but its not easy...I wish I could stop the tears, but Im not sure the tears are from missing him or if its because once again I fell into one of his games and got myself hurt again.

When I did have contact with him last it was a week ago, and I made the mistake of sleeping with him...him and all his sweet talking! But I should have been stronger and not done it.....BECAUSE

He left for the beach that night, told me he'd call me from the beach, and now its been 7 days and I havent heard a word from him. I called his cell once on monday and he didnt pick up or return my call.

So as you can imagine I feel like crap! I was with this guy for 2 years and I cant beleive that he could actually use me like a booty call after all we shared. The biggest hurt is that he has to know that hes hurt me like this, and I dont think he cares.

Why would someone do that, sleep with you after all the time you were together and then just disappear out of your life???? This is what haunts me day in and day out right now...ANY THOUGHTS ANYBODY! IM looking for a why????

So I think my tears are my shame, my disgust with myself, anger, hurt and the fact that he got the last word......and I cant even call and tell him hes a rotten bastard! He may have gotten away with this one, but in time Ill be the one that got away with the big one......Ill find happiness and it wont be with him!

I suppose I want an explanation and I want a chance to tell him to rot in hell...I just think a coward walks away like that, but a real man or woman would offer up an explanation. After all he was the one that suggested staying in touch and having a casual relationship....was that all just a game to him???????

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:41am

Sweetie,

He did it because that's the kind of man he is. The sooner you begin to accept that, the sooner you will move on.

What more is there to say between the two of you? He knows what you want and he isn't willing or capable of giving it to you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 5:22pm

OMG! I love what you had to say. I'm on day 12 of the "break" and it's driving me crazy. I have had amazing strenght when it's come to the NC thing. He finally surfaces last Saturday night but has disapeard back into his cave. He sent three text messages on Tuesday night and I ignored everyone of them. I don't want to talk to him until he is ready and has something good to say. I believe you with the whole ego stroke thing. When he kept calling and texting last weekend he kept asking me if I MISSED HIM! WTF???? He is the one who left me! He needs to be telling me he misses me. Not the other way around. I check my phone constantly and it's driving me crazy. I love the tips and you are the second one to suggest leaving the phone behind all together.

Thanks!