Need serious feedback here please..
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Need serious feedback here please..
| Wed, 06-21-2006 - 5:56am |
I need some serious feedback. In the first 2-3 months of a relationship, how often do you see the guy? Is seeing each other 3 times a week too much? Is that asking too much? And do you find that you see more or less of each other as the relationship progresses? I'm asking because I am going through like what feels like my 50th breakup in the last 6 years, and I feel like I don't even know how to conduct a normal reasonable relationship anymore. Am I too demanding, too needy? I don't know. i have friends, have a busy life, activities, etc. But I MAKE time for the guy when I'm really into someone. Seems like after the initial 1st month, the guys start initiating less and I always seem to be picking up the slack. What is wrong with me??????? I just don't know how to have a relationship anymore or even what a good one even feels like. I haven't had a relationship last more than 4 months in the past 6 years. I feel like a huge failure at love. HUGE.

Thank you for your input! When you put it that way it sounds very reasonable. No wonder my relationships keep failing. I ask too much too soon. I get irked if I don't see them more than a couple times a week. I'm sure that I've come off needy. I don't understand it. The thing is, I'm really attractive, fun, outgoing, and independent=--but when I start dating someone, all that goes out the window, and I just feel like one big NEED. Like I start thinking to myself, Well if he was REALLY into me, he'd insist on seeing me every other day- or something crazy like that. Seriously, though, that is how I talk!
One more thing, though- this last guy I'd been seeing (the one that ended just yesterday)- was still living with his ex-girlfriend of 4 years, in the house that they'd bought together last year. I think that alone was enough to cause doubts and anxiety that made me proabably even worse. He said that he didn't know when this living situation would end, and so this could go on indefinitely!
I'm just sad and feeling terrible about myself and the way I conduct my relationships. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I demand so much????????? The sad thing, I have a lot of love and devotion to give but feel like if a guy really likes me, he needs to want to be around me all the time. Please set me straight!! I don't want to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over.
Hmm, three times regularly in the first 2-3 months.....
To me, that's a bit too much "together time."
Thanks Sandra
You are so right! Two-three months is really nothing in the grand scheme of things!!! You know what really set me off the last time wasy- I went out to happy hour with him and my best friend, who I love like a sister. He said that he was going to go rock-climbing after happy hour and then went to the bathroom. Then my best friend asked "Are you upset?" and I was annoyed that he wanted to go rock-climbing instead of hang out with me, but her comment kind of fed my fire, I guess. NOt that I'm trying to blame her! But she goes really fast in her relationships, and I think that I was kind of influenced by it. For example, she and her new boyfriend of 4 months are already talking about marriage and went to look at engagement rings!!!! And I love her to death, but it does influence me, and I don't think that's healthy for me at all, especially since I already have tendencies toward wanting too much too quickly.
UGH. You are right. I need to take a chill pill and call in sick from relationships/dating for a while and try to not view relationships/dating as something that I need or NEED TO SUCCEED in. I mean, it's just really unhealthy.
I really like your advice a lot. I really really want to strive for that kind of balance and independence when it comes to dating. I'm very independent otherwise but just not around men, apparently. I have a lot to work on. Sigh.