In need of serious help
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In need of serious help
| Sat, 01-27-2007 - 2:47pm |
Hello. My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I have no clue how to go on living my life. We had been together for three years and had a great relationship. We were best friends and complete opposites, but yet still had tons to talk about and similarities as well. I thought that I would end up spending the rest of my life with him. We are now in our last semester of senior year in college and he decided to break up with me. He told me that he still loves me and his feelings for me haven't gone away but that he is confused and depressed about himself. He told me not to take this personally because this is his problem that he is going through....he has no clue what he wants to do with his life, why he gets out of bed in the morning, and is questioning every step of his life philosophically. He told me he needs to go through this alone in order to figure it out for himself. He also told me that the idea of committment and "forever" scares him. We've had "mini breakups" before that usually just came out after too much analyzing and thinking...and he would always end up saying a few hours later that after thinking about it he realizes he really does want to be with me. I am so confused and feel so rejected. I want to give him this time alone but I am afraid he will never come back to me. Is it normal for guys to feel this way after dating someone for their whole college career? Is it normal for them to just throw out their girlfriends right at the end of college? I want him back more than anything. Does anyone think there is a chance that he may eventually change his mind after he spends time alone? PLEASE HELP. I've never been this depressed in my life. Thanks.

Brokenforever
This is obviously a very important person to you. 3 years is a long time to
be with someone at your age--and as a woman you are approaching the time in your
life when you want to start a family. But think about how you have spent 3 years
during a time in your life when you might have been exploring more--
what your boyfriend is doing may not have a lot to do with just yourself
--he might be really having a personal crisis of his own--and you are just
caught up in it. I think it is quite possible you can get back together--
but you should let go--that might be the best way to keep him, by letting
him go.
Remember no relationship, no matter how perfect, lasts forever.
Tell him you want to continue as friends--talking on phone
emailing whatever--but dont cling and pressure him.
Remember, too, love is always gratuitous--that is, it is freely given, it cannot
be bought, forced from someone--it is one of the great signs of freedom that
we have. If you receive love it is a gift--you dont earn it.
True love has no strings attached, is timeless--you can be separated for years
and when you see the person you still love them. Many relationships are
compromises, settlements--some people never know real love. Or take the time
to find out what it is. They spare themselves a lot of trouble but are not
living fully. With pain comes growth and understanding. How can we care for
others if we dont know what is means to hurt? There are too many callous
people. And if you are callous, again, you will never know love.
Let him go--and remember your own intrinsic value is yourself as an individual
not you with someone else. Relationships are not siamese twins.
You dont have to stop loving your boyfriend--feel your love and your grief
--I am a Catholic, not practicing, but I put my rosary around my neck and sleep
with a heating pad on my stomach--do things for yourself that will comfort you
think of ways to comfort yourself--if you need to go to the doctor and get something
to help you rest and sleep better if you are having a problem with that.
Keep a journal where you write about how you feel--Women have to be strong--we
bring people into the world--we are FOR life not against it--what will you
tell your daughter when she is going through the same thing?
Hey GF
First of all it sounds like he is having his own personal crisis I believe in the old saying " If it was meant to be the person will come back if not then he wasn't yours in the 1st place" if that makes any sense well you are both at the end of your college years and it sounds like he wants to make sure he is getting the right degree and etc
Also you mention that the "forever" type scares him that happens to most guys in most cases so let him be and let him figure things out and surround yourself with the love of your family and friends and know that you are not alone when it comes to the broken hearted that is why I love this board you can come on here and get support as well
Just know that you are a wonderful person and it sounds like it really has nothing to do with you and it will take time for your heart to heal and time does heal all wounds for now just know that you are not alone and we are here for you
HUGS