need some advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
need some advice!
1
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 2:46pm

Hello All,

I'd like soem advice on break-ups and all. I am 24, have been with my boyfriend for about 1.5 years, friends for three before that. We had a lot of complications in the beggining since he is my close friends ex. we got together with her approval but with the knowledge that she doesn't really want to hang out with us together or do couples things. Her and I still hang out, but not with our respective boyfriends at the same time. Anyways, this puts a strain on our relationship because it is like we have different sides to choose from.

In April we started living together (in his house) and that's where things started going down hill. we had always had a relationship where we had fun together and respected each other, but once we started living together all the fighting started (cleaning, coming home late, wanting to do different things, etc).

Anyways, one night my brother's friend had a party and my boyfriend and i went along with my brother and his wife and a bunch of my brothers friends who have been like brothers to me-some of who i have known since birth. my boyfriend got drunk (did i mention he's an alcoholic!?) and made a fool of himself. So all the big brother figures in my life thought he was an idiot and not good enough for me. (i'm the only little sister in the whole group). so anyways, we go home that night and start fighting, so i go into the bedroom and lock the door. he gets pissed, kicks it down and then starts crying because i say i want out. he promises to get help for his drinking, but then a few weeks later comes home and i can smell alochol on his breath. he says he just had a taste of scotch, i say okay and try to be okay with it. well, the drinking continues from there but he promises me that he is in control. which he seems to be, so i am somewhat okay with it.

Well, now it is a few months down the road and i have decided again that this relationship is not what i want. he says that he thinks we should try staying together and just not living together, so i am staying with my parents for the time beign. i am confused on whether or not we should try to stay together or just say the hell with it.

Things become even more complicted because my cousin and his girlfriend live next door, and the four of us use to get together all the time. And i don't want to go to my cousins and see my ex's house!

So help! I am going back and forth from being sad to being okay with things. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 6:50pm

Hey,

It does not sound as if you are happy and somewhat confused. I have had friends who have had alcoholic partners and supported them through the upheavals and tribulations. You need to decide in your heart if you think the relationship has a future...you know this deep down somewhere...listen to what you feel (if that sounds all west coast america psycho babble i'm sorry but you really do know!). The fact that you get on well with your /friends/family is neither here nor there, it is your life.....sure its really hard to leave behind everything you feel comfy with but his behaviour is unacceptable, however many times he appologises or promises to get help.....it is HIS responsibility to sort his alcohol problem out. The question is are you happy? Do you see a future? Can he change? Its all well and good getting advice but the only 2 people who can judge a relationship are the 2 people in it, unless you are not looking at it with clarity. I know damn well the if my partner had behaved like that at a party with me not only would my friends and family be kicking his arse they would be queing up behind me to do it!!! You need to do what feels right for you....however hard that may be.