Need some advice (not too long I hope!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Need some advice (not too long I hope!)
2
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:24am
Ok so here's another question from me. My ex and I are no longer together as of about a month ago. He has a new g/f (why we broke up) and they seem very happy and very serious. Anyways, our mutual friend, actually this guy was my friend first, and his fiancee are getting married in the Dominican Republic in January. I am best friends with this mans sister and husband, our children are very close and I have been planning on going on this trip for over a year. My question is, should I bother? X swears that he is not going to bring this g/f, but I don't know how much I should trust this. I have tried to explain to him that since it is our families going (our daughter) and there will be some tension, if not even from me, that maybe he could just let this lie. I should point out that my b/f and I have been shopping, planning and looking forward to this trip for well over a year, and he has yet to even book his trip. I just think that being the type of situation that it is (about 40 people from here making the trip) it would just be extremely uncomfortable for me and everyone since they have known us as a couple until very recently. And the fact that our daughter will be there. It's on a resort, and from what I understand, you don't really venture out in these places. Should I go (would be losing over $2000. at this point) or should I cut my losses and once again, give something that I have so been looking forward to up on the CHANCE that she might go? Thanks in advance if anyone has any insight!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 1:11pm
Hi Caitlin,

That is such a hard decision. I would say if you really wanted to go then do it. IF she did happen to show act like it doesn't bother you! Really stay strong. I mean you will probably run into her sooner or later, right?

Just my opinion, I know acting strong is easier said than done! But somebody once said on these boards "FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT". Keep us posted and most of all HAVE FUN! ((((HUGS)))) :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 1:28pm
Well, here's the thing...for the rest of your lives - as parents parenting her from separation households, with different values and priorities - with new mates....you're going to interact.

Ifyou're wanting to go to see your friends married, adn you want your daughter to go for the experience of traveling and socializing - go. So waht if he brings someone new - this isn't about YOU being romanced and prioritized. This is about you enjoying the celebration of two people you love, and allowing your daughter the opportunity to do so as well.

Nobody there is ging to be uncomfortable...unless one of the two of you adults is being catty, derogatory, or inflammatory with one another...and basically, nobody is going to think highly of an adult doing that with the other parent - in light of the child's presence.

Your entire life is going to be structured around to some extent - interaction wiht this man...his future mates, and his future children. Get used to it - feelings aren't facts, goals, or calls to action - they're not used to determine what to do in situations.

Feelings are a result of your perception of self in light of your goals - because of the situation at hand. You're going to have to adjust your perception of your interaction requirement with him - for your daughter's best interests - for a lifetime - start with this innocuous but joyous event......it's much easier than trying to start with a very stressful or negative event.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com