in need of some advise
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in need of some advise
| Fri, 06-23-2006 - 9:21pm |
This is my first post so bear with me! Plus its a long story. Me and my ex boyfriend have been going out for over 2 years we would of been celebrating our 3 year anniversary on july 2 and he broke up with me about a week ago. Me and him were going to get married and he even gave me a promise ring for christmas so as you can imagine I'm having a difficult time getting over this.
Our problems started when his friend Katy(my boyfriend and her have been frineds for along time even before we started dating) started to work were he works from the beginning I had a problem with it because I had a bad feeling with her and my boyfriend thought that it was in my head, so we fought about that for awhile but I got over it and we were getting along better (so I thought). Then 2 weeks ago on a friday he calls me after work and tells me that him and her were sitting in his care and talking bout how the used to like each other and all her failed relationships, and I got mad about that cause he shouldn't be doing that cause he has a girlfriend so the next day he came over then we got in a fight over it again this I got very angry and I hit him I know I shouldn't of done that but I was so angry with him so I told him to leave and to take his stuff with him, he did then I called him back and told him to come back. He came back and we talked everything out and I thought that everything was ok. Then on Monday he calls and tells me that he wants to take a break, and I didn't want to cause I thought that we worked everything out so we fought and he said that I depend on him to much which I kinda do and that he says that he feels like he can never make me happy which he does he's a great guy and a awesome boyfriend. I asked him if this had to do with anything that him and Katy talked bout and he said no that he wasn't felt that close to me in awhile. Then on Wednesday he comes over cause he has something to tell me, so he tells me that when him and Katy talked on Friday that she told him that she has feelings for him and has for 5 years and that he went to her house on Monday night and talked to her, and that he is confused about everything I'm how can you be confused me and him have been together for 2+ years and we had plans to have a future togather. How can you let an hour change 2+ years. So I'm very mad about this I felt so betrayed. So last Saturday he broke up with me I didn't want to break up but he told me that he doesn't love me like he used to so I know that he's not going to change his mind about us. We broke up on friendly terms and we're still going to talk to each other. Then not even a week after we break up he's spending time with Katy and he's taling about having a relationship with her. How can you be over me so fast after all that we've been through! He tells me that the reason why we broke up has nothing to do with Katy but the way he's acting makes it seem like she was the reason for the break up. I love him and I miss him very much. I still want to be with him and I hope that he realizes that he made a mistake and wants to get back together. I just don't know what to do. Should I let him go and move on? I just want to know what other people think, did she have something to do with us breaking up? Thanks for listening, sorry for the long post!
Our problems started when his friend Katy(my boyfriend and her have been frineds for along time even before we started dating) started to work were he works from the beginning I had a problem with it because I had a bad feeling with her and my boyfriend thought that it was in my head, so we fought about that for awhile but I got over it and we were getting along better (so I thought). Then 2 weeks ago on a friday he calls me after work and tells me that him and her were sitting in his care and talking bout how the used to like each other and all her failed relationships, and I got mad about that cause he shouldn't be doing that cause he has a girlfriend so the next day he came over then we got in a fight over it again this I got very angry and I hit him I know I shouldn't of done that but I was so angry with him so I told him to leave and to take his stuff with him, he did then I called him back and told him to come back. He came back and we talked everything out and I thought that everything was ok. Then on Monday he calls and tells me that he wants to take a break, and I didn't want to cause I thought that we worked everything out so we fought and he said that I depend on him to much which I kinda do and that he says that he feels like he can never make me happy which he does he's a great guy and a awesome boyfriend. I asked him if this had to do with anything that him and Katy talked bout and he said no that he wasn't felt that close to me in awhile. Then on Wednesday he comes over cause he has something to tell me, so he tells me that when him and Katy talked on Friday that she told him that she has feelings for him and has for 5 years and that he went to her house on Monday night and talked to her, and that he is confused about everything I'm how can you be confused me and him have been together for 2+ years and we had plans to have a future togather. How can you let an hour change 2+ years. So I'm very mad about this I felt so betrayed. So last Saturday he broke up with me I didn't want to break up but he told me that he doesn't love me like he used to so I know that he's not going to change his mind about us. We broke up on friendly terms and we're still going to talk to each other. Then not even a week after we break up he's spending time with Katy and he's taling about having a relationship with her. How can you be over me so fast after all that we've been through! He tells me that the reason why we broke up has nothing to do with Katy but the way he's acting makes it seem like she was the reason for the break up. I love him and I miss him very much. I still want to be with him and I hope that he realizes that he made a mistake and wants to get back together. I just don't know what to do. Should I let him go and move on? I just want to know what other people think, did she have something to do with us breaking up? Thanks for listening, sorry for the long post!

No, she had nothing to do with the breakup. I think you should thank her--her presence exposed your ex's, how can I put it, flakiness? If it wasn't going to be her, it was going to be some other girl further down the road. Better now than after you guys got married. I know it sucks and it hurts, but you're lucky.
Yes, please move on--even though 2 years and a promise ring make it that much harder. I don't have any advice on how to deal with it except try your best to cut him off and start over (take as much time as you need to get over him before starting anything; it's not a race). If it works out between him and Katy, be happy for them and for yourself too. Don't get me wrong, you should be pissed. This guy's wishy-washy immature. He may be great in many other ways, but if he's going to be this way in a relationship.... I think your being jealous didn't help the situation, but even if you acted like you should have (trusted him) it sounds like he was still on the fence.
You deserve a man who knows what he wants. Why settle? I mean no one's going to ever totally know what they want, but he should be mature enough to know he wants you before he goes around giving you a ring of any sort.
Best of luck.
Wow, my head's still spinning, so I can imagine what you must be feeling like right now.
I agree with flix, I don't think Katy had anything to do with the reasons why your boyfriend *wanted* to break up, it seems she was more like the closest exit, so to speak.