Need some encouragement

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Need some encouragement
5
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 5:26pm

I thought I could be strong and continue the NC, but I broke down and called him today. It was a good conversation and I know it will be the last. It just hurt to hear how good he was doing. I guess maybe it is the closure I needed. The comment that hurt the most was at the end of the conversation instead of the ususal I will talk to you later or see you later he said take care. At that moment I knew it was over and he never really wanted to talk to me again. I am worse now that I know that he has moved on and I am still hurting. I feel horrible again. Now I am upset with myself for contacting him. I knew what the outcome would be. I was holding on to that little hope that maybe he would want to get back together.

I am so scared of being alone. He was my best friend and I loved him so much and obviously still do. When is this pain ever going to go away? I don't think I can take much more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 7:01pm

Hi there...


I'm so sorry you're hurting, honey. I was in your place just a little over a year ago and I know how much it hurts. My ex was my best friend too, and to lose that relationship as well as the romantic one was really really difficult.

-----------------------------------

"You get what you settle for"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 7:07pm

I know, I know..I am there right with ya..I call mine too still and it aches after. It is a quick fix to hear his voice and then after it is NOT satisfying in fact, down right depressing.

If you get any tips on how NOT to call. We spoke daily..at least 4 times and most days he slept over too..ours was a LD but parts of the year we were together 24/7.

I want to be the strong secure one that moves on. He is the one already seeing another for sex and whatever..it is terrible for me..and on top of it, it's been 17 days of hardly ANY SLEEP.

Ugh...I hear ya friend..be strong..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 10:16am
i know how you feel..i've been trying to be strong and do the nc thing for a year now, yes a year! he was my bestfriend too, and we have no hard feelings towards eachother, which make it even more difficult to break ties...and i was just thinking the other day, that it just seems sooooooo strange that someone could be such a HUGE part of your life for years, your lover, bestfriend, confidant, etc, you share a life together(my ex and i lived together), you plan a future together, then when day you become strangers or are supposed to become strangers in order to heal...it just doesn't seem right..it's just wierd. BUT, i know that we will always have a bond/connection that will never be broken..and i hope that one day way down the line that we can be friends, because i just don't think it's possible that my ex and i NEVER EVER speak again. for now though, i know that that's what i need in order to heal and let go. for this past year since we've been broken up, the longest we've ever gone with nc is a week and that was rare....everytime i saw him or heard his voice, like the other poster said, it was like a quick fix/almost like a drug, but soon after or even during the conversation or when we'd part ways after we saw eachother, i'd have an emotional breakdown and it would feel like we broke up all over again....IT SUCKS, AND IT HURTS...I KNOW...hang in there. for a year i've been struggling with this so i know how difficult it is...i used to always beat up on myself too when i couldn't stick to nc, but i just have to forgive myself, pick myself back up and start over. the last time i saw my ex was 3 weeks ago, and ofcourse i had a break down after i saw him. i told myself it was about time i made a change because i can't live like this, and obviously whatever i've been doing or not doing for the past year hasn't been working. so i tried the nc again, and it's been hard but i've been doing a little better, baby steps. we talked online the past couple of days, and i was surprisingly ok, i didn't have a break down, i didn't beg him to come back to me etc. when i got home yesterday, for some reason i had a sudden urge to phone him(i know i shouldn't have, but i did), he told me he missed me and wanted me to come over...it took soooooooooooo much strength(thank you God), but i had to say no. my mind was actually playing tricks on me telling me that i would be ok if i saw him, which made me want to go see him more. i was so close to jumping in my car and going over there, but i took a deep breath and even though at that moment i felt that i would be ok, i had to consciously think back to ALL the times in the past year that i thought i'd be ok to see him and i'd have a major break down after and start ALL OVER AGAIN with the healing and nc, so, remembering that helped me to say NO. it was so hard, every ounce of me wanted to see him...he came around and agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea to see eachother..which also helped a bit. so i'm still missing him like crazy, and even though i had a minor slip up(calling him), i'm so grateful and thankful that that minor slip up, didn't turn into a landslide. with hard work, prayers, patience(with yourself), forgiveness(with yourself), you will get through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 5:10pm
I know how hard it is. I actually called him today and told him I never wanted to talk to him again. He sounded a little taken back, but after talking for a little longer he understood that I was not getting over this and agreed that it would be the best thing. It hurt so bad. I have initiated the contact and not him. I knew when I hung up the phone it would be the last contact. Neither one of us wants the relationship to continue, but it is hard when this person has been my whole life for 2 years and now they are gone and we can't even be friends. Every time I talk to him or see him I feel those feelings start to come back. It hurt to tell him that, but it wasn't the first time I have told him my feelings. He honored my wishes and didn't contact me. I was the one that gave in and called him. I had to do it for my own sanity. I am not letting him and the relationship go. Even though, I know he has moved on and that is probably why he hasn't contacted me. That is another situation that cuts like a knife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 8:25am

i hope you can stick to the nc because i think that will help a lot, i know it has helped me some what...although i do believe it takes more than nc to let go and heal. i really think the worse apart of it and the strangest thing to accept is that this person was such a huge part of my life, and now we have to be strangers pretty much, i just think that's really hard and sad.

i wish you the best, and take care.