Need some help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2005
Need some help
2
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 2:44pm

I'm kind of new here, I have been reading some the messages on here, and I think the advice is good here, because it comes from experience. So here is my promblem. My LDR ex-boyfriend broke up with me after 4 1/2 years of being in a relationship. In the beginning of our relationship it was great, but this year in January things went down hill. Anyways, we broke up in good terms, no drama. I was mostly shocked, but I knew things were getting bad with communication between us. We were getting to the point where we just didn't have anything to say to each other on the phone.

When we broke up he said we can still be friends, and I could still email him. Well I did two weeks later, and it was mostly small talk. I have missed emotions about doing this, I still want to keep in touch with him, but part of me still loves him. And I want us to get back together. Should I still continue talking with him? I miss our friendship, and talking to him.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: maricela75
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 3:17pm

Hi there, I'm going through a similar situation (see my post below), although we were not together nearly as long.

I don't think being friends is possible or good for you right now, since that's not really what you want. I know from prior experience that it takes some time with no contact to let go off all the romantic feelings and crushed hopes and dreams, before you can be friends, so that's why I've cut off contact with my ex (although I know he wants to be friends--and I do too, eventually, but I can't do it right NOW because I still have too many feelings for him).

What helps me is thinking in terms of *postphoning* the friendship, as opposed to thinking dramatically like "I'll never be able to speak to him again!!!". I am now friends with several exes but it took a fair amount of time apart with no contact (and for a 4.5 year relationship, it may take you a while to get to that point).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
In reply to: maricela75
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 3:22pm
I would try to avoid contact with him, only so that you can begin to heal yourself. I found that staying in contact with ex's only hurt worse, because it leaves that small hope that we would get back together. I understand how difficult this is on you, but you should really concentrate on yourself and finding what makes you happy and content on your own without relying on a man to listen to you, talk with you (etc). When you are feeling really down and missing him, call a friend or take a walk, do something to distract you! This is only my opinion, do what you will, but just be catious about trying to have just a friendship with someone when you have had a past love with, it's rare that it works and usually makes things worse! You commented that there wasn't drama when you broke up, well I believe your going to run into unneccessary drama if you try to maintain a friendship with him. On the other hand, if you are both able to separate your emotions then go for it! Good luck to you!