Need some support

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Need some support
2
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 2:49pm
Ive been with my boyfriend 2 years, this last year ive been here in the USA with him on a visa that expires in Jan.. From the beginning it was assumed that we would get engaged/married before my visa expires so we could be together.
Nothing happened and I guess I kept dropping hints/asking him and he has had enough.
On Friday I started crying as Im so worried that we wont be together after Jan and in the end he said that we would definitely be engaged by Xmas...I was so happy.
Then last night I came home from work and he was sitting there crying, he said he felt pressurized into saying that on Friday because I was crying and that he doesnt think he will ever be able to marry me and I should just go home now. I was so stunned... it was the last thing I expected. I feel devasted - its like yesterday I was at work on brides.com so excited and now...
I told him that I understand about the pressure and that I totally understand if he wants to wait a while, that its got to me to, but I still want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I was up all night crying and now Im so scared.....I think I have pushed him over the edge and theres no going back...its like he has already made up his mind to move on from me...
I dont have many friends here in the USA and need some support...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 3:28pm

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It doesn't sound like he's ready for marriage and I've never had a good feeling about marriages that start because of a need for a VISA, to stay in the country, etc. It's not the right reason to get married. He's showing you that he's not ready. If you stay until your VISA expires, the next month will be very difficult, filled with tension, hurt feelings and even anger.

Only you can decide.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 3:49pm
Thanks for your message... I meant that we both thought we would get married as a natural course for our relationship but due to the pressure and rocky patches it hasn't happened.
We do not want to get married for the visa... I would only wnat to stay in the USA for him..otherwise I prefer to be in my own country with my friends and family.