Need some support

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Need some support
4
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 8:40pm

It's me again posting on the board. I am just feeling so sad right now, and wanted to write something down.

I broke up with him technically in May. But we would always have contacts back and forth. It was mainly him calling me. And we got together for a couple of times since the break up (no sex). You ladies sure know how it is. When you see your ex, all the feelings would come back. That was exactly what happened to me and that is why it's taking so long for me to get over and feel better. So then, the no contact thing started about 2 weeks ago - after he told me he is "too busy to be in a relationship". It hurts to face the fact that I am not "the girl" whom he is willing to spend more time with. But I can't force love - I understand that.

I have the best reasons in the world to break up with him (lying, arguing, not calling etc.), and this break up is for the best. But it still hurts a lot. Sometimes I feel that he is just a stranger to me, sometimes I wonder if he would care at all if I am sick or hurt. And maybe I'll never find out.

I don't know what the future will be, I do want to run into him some day, but I don't know if that will ever happen. It's sad to never see/hear from someone who I've thought of 24-7.

Best of luck to your recovery from heartbreaks!

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 3:39am
Congratulations on getting through the first two weeks of NC ... I know how hard it can be. It has been 7 weeks for me and I still hurt a lot. I cry every day. Little things set me off. I miss my ex a lot and I've been thinking about contacting him lately. I always talk myself out of it though. So I do understand the pain of not talking to or seeing someone you loved and spent so much time with. It's really hard. There's no pain quite like it. Some have compared it to death, but in some ways I think it's worse. Because at least when a loved one dies you get sympathy from others ... and everyone understands you're supposed to be sad for a long time. When there's a breakup people just say stupid things like, "You're better off without him" or "He wasn't that nice anyway," or whatever but it still hurts because when you really love someone it just really hurts to lose them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 11:32am

Hang in there, you're doing all right. You probably don't feel like it right now, but the process is all baby steps. No contact is a very tough thing to do, but you will see based on others' responses on this board, it's really the only way "through" (as Sheri says). Contact seems to set you back (obviously as you said when you saw him) and sometimes no contact feels like hell. But you will survive, you will get through this. (I say this because I know, my breakup was in Feb. and I thought I'd die.)

Keep reminding yourself you did the right thing- you admitted he lied, argued, you weren't getting what you needed in the relationship. Sometimes this helps reinforce why things can't be what they were. Just make sure to take care of you, doing whatever it takes (reading, working out, meditating, talking to friends, etc.) so you're not obsessing about what he's doing.

We're here for you, keep posting :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 11:46am
You are so correct! There really is no other pain like it. It really is as if someone has died only worse. It means that all your hopes and dreams will never come true and the result really is mourning for the loss. We have every right to cry and feel upset. People really do say stupid things like "Stop crying" or "Stop whining". It is a crushing, stomach wrenching, mind blurring loss. Hugs to you both!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 1:55pm
Thanks, Nikki. I needed that hug. I have really been feeling very blue lately. Wondering if some anti-depressants might not be called for. Crying every day is draining.