need some thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
need some thoughts
5
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 10:22am
So yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half...not sure if it's a break up or a break really. I went over to his apartment unannounced and asked him if we could talk. I told him I knew he was on match.com and I wanted to know what he wanted with me and why he was on there. He told me that it wasn't an active account and that he was on there before he even met me. I knew he was lying because it said he was active within 24 hours. So then I told him I loved him and I asked him how he felt about me. He said "I don't know." And I asked him "how can you not know if you love me after a year and a half." All of his responses were I don't know. He said he cares about me and wants to be with me. I told him that if he doesn't love me he needs to let me go so I can find someone who does. So he said, "why don't we take a few weeks apart." So I told him that he could call me and that I wouldn't call him. And then I left. When I got home, I saw that he cancelled his match.com account. Now I don't know what to do! I don't know if he'll call or what. I am hurting because I care and love him a lot. I know I shouldn't call him. Any advice would be nice. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 11:14am
Sorry you are going through this. You were right to ask him how he felt about you and after a year and a half he should know. I would not call him, give it some time. Maybe he will realize that he is an idiot and call you. It sounds like he is the one who mentioned taking the break. Try to keep yourself busy and do things you enjoy. If it ends up working out maybe this will make the relationship stronger.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 12:30pm
Ouch! Finding your boyfriend on an online dating site is never a good thing. From what you wrote, I would recommend moving on. I know it hurts because you love him, but it sounds like he doesn't feel the same way. Whatever you do, don't call him!! Don't chase after him, let him come to you. Best of luck to you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2007
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 4:49pm
Hi - I am sorry you are going through this. I am going through something similar, where I was with someone who was very ambivalent about his feelings toward me. I ended it - and from my outside perspective, it sounds like you should do the same. (Easier said than done, I know.) It will eat away at your self-esteem to be with someone who just isn't all that into you or the relationship, and who is keeping his options open. I told my ex that I was not going to be the girl he hung out with until something better came along. I am two weeks out from my breakup, and while it crushes me that my ex does not feel the same as I do, ending it was the best thing for me. I am now open and available to find someone who is as crazy about me as I am about him ... that is, when I am ready to start dating again. I have decided to take some time off to focus on me, my interests and my needs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:50pm
So, I saw him yesterday at the gym. Funny how he never went to the gym at that time when we were together. Anyways, he asked me how I was. then I told him I would take tickets he was selling into work for him because someone at my job was going to buy them from him. We had set this up before breaking up. so he just said maybe and that he could always drive in and give them to the person. So I said, ok whatever you want to do. then he said he would call me later on but he never called me and now I'm hurt all over again! Why did he say he would call and then didn't! I don't understand him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:20pm
I had something similar happen to me, and I got a guys point of view on it. Here's the "guy" view. When you ran into him, you were acting indifferent to him, therefor he acted like he cared. It's all part of the mind game, I guess. It doesn't really make sense to me, but there are a lot of things that men do that don't make sense to me. If you were to run into him again and he says he'll call, my best advice is to tell him not to bother. I know it's easier said than done, but you'll be right back to where you are now, which is hurt and confused. Good luck and stay strong!!