In Need of Support or Advice.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
In Need of Support or Advice.....
5
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:13pm
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago and even though I know its going to take awhile to get over, the days just seem so long and everyday I tell myself Im not going to talk to him but it still somehow happens.

Whenever he broke up with me, he gave me the reason that he wasnt giving enough into the relationship like I was, but then when he would tell others why it always changed like he didnt have time for me or i tried laying guilt trips on him...

And when I talked to him a few days later I was bawling my eyes out and it didnt even seem like he cared! I dont understand how someone can go from loving you at one point in the day to apparently not loving you at all. The way he spoke on the phone was a way I had never heard before, he was always so supportive and always tried to cheer me up but this time it hurt, especially when he made it final that it was over for good.

I know he was crazy about me throughout our relationship, he told me all the time, I dont think he knows what he wants now. Even though, I know i cant hold on to any false hopes. I miss talking to him everyday but Im starting to realize if hes acting like this now, maybe this is how he really is and I dont like it. I just dont understand how guys can move on so fast? Is it some manly thing they are trying to prove or are they really hurting deep down inside?? I know this story was long and jumped around alot but I guess Im just asking for any advice for moving on or for any support because I need it more then anything now.

Thanks!!!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:59am
Hi there, Erileah. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Breaking up is never easy. I also broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago, and it still hurts. It's going to hurt for a while, that's just the way it goes. Is it possible for you to stop calling him? If so, you'll get better a lot quicker. I understand that you miss him and want to reach out, but if he has said he doesn't want to be with you anymore you have to respect that. So leave him be. It will help you get over him sooner too.

We're here for you. We're all in the same situation. We'll hold your hand and let you cry on our shoulder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 8:58pm
thank you so much for that reply, i know its going to take time and i just need to stop talking to him , ive gone all day without doing it yet and i know it will make things easier i do respect his decision it just hurts alot because it came out of nowhere. but i did talk to one of his friends today who i am friends with and she made me feel alot better. ive done this before ill just have to do it again. thanks iamdelightful !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:00pm
Welcome to the board!! I'm so sorry to hear about your break-up.....they're always tough. I think he still cares but just doesn't want to show it....kind of like a macho thing. I'm glad to hear you respect his decsion....because you'll never be able to change his mind....it's something he has to do. I think it's great you haven't talked to him today...that's great progress and you should be proud. No contact is always tough at first but it really does help. Good luck and keep us posted and remember we're always here if you need us!!!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 11:20pm
Thank you. I know its going to be hard, I mean it still is and it hasnt even been a week yet so I just need time. Of course I respect his decision, this is what he wants right now but hes told other people he just doesnt know what he wants. So now he can figure things out on his own. I didnt talk to him again today although I was tempted lol. Ive done this before so I know i can do it again. Thanks for the support :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:45pm
OMG, going thru the same thing with my fiance. Well, ex. We were making wedding plans, he loved me, we were perfectly happy, and suddenly overnite he stopped calling me and then emailed me to tell me that it wasn't going to work out. No reason whatsoever. Like your bf, he was sweet one minute, excited to get married, and the next he could care less about me. I suspect he had probably been thinking about it for awhile, because you can't just change over night like that. I wanted so badly for us to get back together in the beginning, now I'm not so sure. My advice would be STOP calling him!!! Give him space and time to miss you. I know it's hard, you prob. feel like you lost your best friend, but try and step back and let him do his thing. Work on trying to keep yourself happy. treat yourself to some girl's nights, go shopping, work out, focus on yourself. That way, if he does call and want to get back with you, you'll be pleasantly surprised. If not, well, then that's his loss and someone else's gain. Good luck and hang in there girl!!