need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
need to vent
4
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 11:10pm

Today a guy I have been going out for a few months told me that he wanted to take a week break. I am feeling very sad and just needed to get it out. He seems very similar to what was said on a previous discussion. We've gotten along so well ever since we met and have had so much fun together. He started telling me he wanted to marry me within only 3 or 4 weeks and he could barely stand to be apart for a day and never wanted me to leave when I needed to go home. If I ever felt upset about something (which was only one or two times), he would always try to understand and would be very comforting.

This week I went out of town for Easter. When I got back he said he was very depressed when I was gone, and was almost hyperactively affectionate towards me. I was feeling tired from my trip, so I just needed to relax. Then the next day I was feeling sick and was not able to give him too much attention either. The next couple days we met for lunch and he said some things that sounded hostile toward me. Last night I told him I felt bad that he seemed to be hostile toward me. He basically just got mad and brushed me off which made me feel worse because he has always been very understanding in the past. I told him I wanted to stay home tonight just so I would be able to feel better. He e-mailed me saying he wants to take a week off. I have a feeling that it is over forever. He just seems so hostile, when usually he is extremely nice and affectionate.

I don't really know how to handle this because it seems that it has just been blown out of proportion. Then again, I do not want to be around him if he going to start being hostile toward me. I just feel sad. It seemed so good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: sandies02
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 1:05am
Sounds like this guy moved way too fast, getting serious too quickly (talking of marriage after 3-4 weeks) - you go away, he really needs constant attention, you come back tired, wanting to relax - I think his true colors just started to show. Grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been, but be glad you are seeing the true him this early. Sorry for your pain.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
In reply to: sandies02
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 11:53am
thanks for your input. it helps to hear from another person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
In reply to: sandies02
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:04pm
I would agree with itwinflame on this one - he was playing the push-and-pull game with you, which is a classic commitmentphobic sign. He's all fast-and-furious in the beginning, then almost completely changes his behavior overnight. I just went through this kind of break up just this past Tuesday, with someone I was seeing for few months as well. Consider yourself lucky that he showed this behavior to you now, rather than down the road when the relationship got more serious. A good book I've read and seen mentioned on these boards quite a bit is "Men Who Can't Love". Check it out, it's quite the eye-opener. Hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: sandies02
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:16pm

I agree with the post about moving too fast!

The post personally sent up red flags, but I could be reading it wrong.
He sounds possessive adn obsessive and that could be very dangerous. He also sounds to have an aggressive personality that he is desperately trying to hide and just makes me think that he trying to get you all in under his control (married or whatever) quickly so he can let down his mask.

I could be way off base here..just say so, but that is what I sensed from your post.

Laura

Mommy to Jackson (4 years old)
EDD #2 5-3-08

pregnancy due date