need to vent

Avatar for camaroqueen
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
need to vent
1
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 4:49pm

hey everyone,

i just need to vent... it's been a few weeks since i've been on here. i was doing fine in february, moving on and starting to get used to the idea that my last bf was moving out of the country. but, since then, before he left the country he came to visit me for two weeks. i know this was a step backwards and i maybe shouldn't have let him come visit. but i am actually happy we got to have that time together because things did not end well before that. but he finally moved out of the country a week ago. i took him to the airport, i cried as soon as i got in the car and the whole drive home. it's been hard because when he came to visit before leaving, we had such a great time together, and we had serious conversations that i'm glad we were able to have before he left. but it has made this more painful, he left and now i'm feeling empty, and lonely. i miss him and think about him often. which is bad because i have so much important work i need to concentrate on and i'm having trouble with that. that's why i need to vent, i hope if i'm able to talk about it here, at least i can get my feelings out and might be able to concentrate. i know he's not coming back any time soon and when he does we'll both have moved on. i know it is over and that we will not get back together, i would be niave if i thought differently. but it hurts so bad, and i still have that tiny bit of hope that when he comes back we will get back together (but at the same time i know this is me being in denial).... sometimes i regret getting involved with him, knowing that he was going to move because it hurts so much now. but then other times i think he's made me a better person and i'm glad that i was able to share part of my life with him. what makes it hard is that i know he is attracted to me and cares about me, it would be so much easier to move on if he didnt care or like me. thats what keeps the "we'll get back together one day and live happily ever after" thought running through my mind. i think i just need to focus on the fact that somehow he is not the one and that one day i will meet someone who is right for me, but right now all i think is that he is the one who is right for me, just the timing was bad!! thanks for listening, i really needed to get my feelings out, and my friends are definately tired of hearing about it, even though they always listen to me, i just don't want to bother them with it anymore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
In reply to: camaroqueen
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 8:01am

I'm dealing with a similar situation in having to break things off with someone when there's still an attraction and feelings there. Sometimes there are just too many obstacles that can't be worked out and you have to move on. I don't know if it's easier or harder this way -- I know it hurts a lot when someone breaks things off because they don't have feelings for you but in that case you have closure. When things are broken off because of external factors, you always have that hope that "love will conquer all." But love doesn't conquer all and even if the external factors happen to disappear someday, chances are either you or he will have changed and the relationship will never be the same. The best thing to do is to banish the hope that someday you'll be together and go on with your life as best you can. I have a friend who spent two years in a phone relationship with someone overseas. He finally dumped her but that was after she wasted two years dreaming of the day they'd be together. Almost as soon as he was out of her life, possibilities started popping up all around her and now, just a couple of months later, she's dating a really great guy. I'm sure you're not ready for that, but getting closure on this relationship is necessary for you to move on to the rest of your life.

Steph