Need a woman's perspective

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2006
Need a woman's perspective
6
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:46am

I am writing this to try to get a woman’s perspective on what has happened.

I dated my girlfriend for just over one year. We hit it off immediately. I am in my late 30’s and she is in her late 20’s. I was going to propose to her on our 1 year anniversary. I called her father to ask him to lunch to get his permission and tell him my intentions. Her mother figured out what was about to happen and gave her a heads up. My girlfriend called and asked me if that was the case. At first I denied it hoping to keep it a surprise. She told me that there was no energy in the relationship, was not ready to get married and we should discuss it first. I felt terrible that I created an uncomfortable situation. We talked and I came clean that I had purchased a ring which I never would have done had I sensed something was not right. We agreed to continue the relationship as before: just dating. 5 weeks later she said she did not want to be in serious relationship, we talked for less than an hour and that was it. She left and it was over.

Here’s the thing. She never, ever said anything was wrong and told me she loved me all the way ‘til the end. Also, I know that people who are discontent do not always communicate their feelings verbally but that discontent is manifested in their actions and body language. There were never any signs, believe me I was looking.

I’m devastated and extremely upset.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:57am
hi i can understand how you must feel, i have been in the same situation before my ex told me he loved me and everything seemed good but he finished things over the phone i had no comeback he just said he was not ready for a serious relationship.
it took me a long time to get over it, but i did.
my only advice to you is talk to a friend or someone to help clear your head, and if she is willing have a talk with her she could of just been scared but see if she can explain or give you any insight.
i hope all works out for you good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 11:31am

I am so very sorry this has happened in your life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:37pm

I completely understand how you must be feeling. My boyfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He said he loves me and always will, but that he didn't want to be in a relationship right now. I am 21 he is 22. I understand why he did it because he has never had anytime to himself. WE have been together since our Junior year in High school. I still have hope that we can reunite, but I'm not waiting around for it. I am giving him his space and letting him live his life without any interruptions from me. Like I said I know he loves me and maybe one day we can be together again.

I think maybe your ex was scared of your relationship going to fast. Maybe she is afraid of commitment. I would give it a month or so and call her and see if she still loves you and if she does maybe this break has made her realize what you really meant to her.

I wish you the best of luck.

((((((HUGS))))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:50pm

I thought about your situation a bit more over lunch and I have a question for you:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:56pm
I am very sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like she may have a fear of committment or she is not very good at communicating how she feels. My boyfriend of almost 5 years and I just broke up because I mentioned "the future" and he all of sudden told me all these things that were bothering him about me (things he never mentioned before) and that he didn't want to be in any relationship right now. I didn't see that coming at all. He was telling me he loved me right up until the end. He said he never said anything before because he is not good at communicating his feelings. This may be the case with your ex-girlfriend, but it is not an excuse to treat someone like that. My advice is to not try to figure out why this happened (you may never know). Just listen to what she is saying...she does not want to be in a relationship...and leave it at that. Believe me, if you mean anything to her and she really loves you, she won't let you go. She will come back. And if she doesn't, well then that speaks volumes. I don't think you'd want to be with anyone who really doesn't want to be with you. It sucks, but it's the healthiest way to look at it. I hope things work out for you. I know it hurts a lot now, but in time you will be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 4:15pm

i'm so sorry this happenning to you...but believe ME if your gf is really in to you i dont think she'll ever walk away to this relationship...coz gilrs are like that if our bf is about to propose...DAMN I THINK WE WILL FEEL LIKE WERE IN HEAVEN.

ALSO THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE AGE GAP...IT JUST SHE NOT REALLY LOVE YOU LIKE YOU LOVES HER. THINK ABOUT IT IF SHE MENTION SHE NOT READY YET TO SETTLE DOWN...WHY SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU? ISNT SHE WILL ASK MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT BUT NOT MAKING THE RELATIONSHIP TOTALLY OVER. GOOD LUCK