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| Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:29pm |
Hey there,
OK, I am having a delayed reaction. Way back in September, I invited one of my best friends to my then-boyfriends parties. She ended up spending the entire evening talking to my now ex. I was really annoyed about it. She was trying so hard to impress him, overly laughing at his jokes, trying to relate to his interests and impress him with her general knowledge. (She is single and had been lonely.) I kid you not she spent the entire night talking to him. I never told her that it bothered me so much, but I did take it out on my ex. Needless to say he and I weren't meant to be and we eventually ended it for a multitude of reasons. But, I'm still friends with my girlfriend. However, I still can't shake that incident from my mind. I know if I confront her with it, she'll either be defensive or angry. Do you guys feel that this is a deal breaker in a friendship or am I being overly sensitive? PLEASE HELP!!!!

Hello,
I think you might be over reacting to this. Remember she only knew you and alittle about your boyfriend (or knew your boyfriend) at this party..maybe she was uncomfortable. She knew he WAS someone special in your life at the time and was trying to be friendly for YOU. Especially since there was a possibility all three of you would be hanging out often.
SHe is your best friend...she did nothing with him and your not even with this guy anymore..I think you need to move on.
~L
Maybe she was just being friendly and that's her way. Maybe she meant nothing by it. But if it's really something you can't get past, you might mention to her that as friends you want to make a pact that each other's boyfriends are off-limits from now on. Don't accuse her of flirting with your ex -- that's all in the past -- just take it from this point forward.
Steph
hey there,
thanks so much for your advice. yeah. basically she was trying to be the center of attention. i'm pretty sure that she wasn't trying to get with my then-bf. but she's the type of person that needs to prove something to herself. *like even my friends boyfriend wants me. that's how hot i am.) and she was jealous of my relationship and i'm sure she was attracted to him and was having fun that night. (she talked about what a great catch he was.) also another time (the first time they met) i invited her to a dinner to meet my then-bf she spent the whole night trying to impress him and compete with me instead of trying to make me look good. you know when i meet my friends boyfriends for the first time i concentrate more on my friends and try to make them look good in front of their boyfriends instead of trying to compete or something. i guess there's a bigger underlying issue here. i don't think i'll bring this issue up with her because she'll only probably get defensive or angry. i'm just going to let our friendship fizzle out. coz i can't be friends with someone who i can't trust or who isn't supportive.
This girl sounds like someone who has some issues, which you seem to have figured out.
thanks for your validation! i've been feeling like a big dork for even caring about it. but yeah, bottom line is that this is a pattern with her. she definitely is a very self-centered person. and a fair weather friend. i mean we have a lot of fun together though because we share the same sense of humor. so we can have a blast when we're together. but, in times of need she's definitely unreliable. eg. during my breakup---i was going to set her up with one of my then-boyfriend's friends and i broke up with my then-bf before i was able to arrange the set up. when i gave her the news of my breakup the first thing my friend asked me is what was he like? (my bf's friend?) was he cute? and when i said no. she was relieved. then she tried to console me in her own way which was pretty half ass.
and she is very competitive with me for some reason. she's a beautiful girl, but she just has a competitive nature. it's like her personality does a 180 in group situations. she's "on" so to speak. shes always trying to shift the focus on her. i don't mind it if we're in her territory or if there are some strange guys around us. coz i could give a rat's behind what people i don't know or care about think of me. but when it's someone i'm dating or my co-workers then it becomes frustrating that i have to compete in that kind of environment, instead of be supported.
my mom says that you should just use people for what they can give you. if she's fun to be with then call her when you feel like joking around, knowing that she has these hangups. but i find that kind of way of dealing with friendships depressing.... i mean whatever happened to good, sincere friendships? or are friends people we just bide time with until we find our significant other. and in that case not to be invested in or taken too seriously or trusted...???i don't know. just ranting ..