need your expert advice
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 11-19-2007 - 2:34pm |
My gf and me were together for five months. It was a happy loving relationship. We never once fell out, I treated her so well and would of done anything for her and she knew this.
Towards the end of the relationship we started to see too much of each other and I think it put a strain on the relationship. I felt because it was going so good I felt something was going to go wrong and I think it made me a bit clingy as well towards the end. Anyways she started going out on nights out with her m8 cos her m8 had just split up with her b/f. her m8 kept asking her to go out all the time and I think it put my ex into an awkward position.
So one Monday night we were going on holiday the next day and she had seemed in a funny mood all day so I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she didn’t want to be tied down anymore but on the other hand she still loves me and wants to be with me. She seemed very confused at the time. So anyways we went on this holiday and talked about everything and decided when we got back we’d go on a 2-week break. Which only lasted a week because I didn’t think she would change her mind. She was still confused and I think she wanted the best of both worlds and realized that couldn’t happen. So were both upset because we had such a good time together.
Some say it was her only m8 that influenced our break up as she was telling my gf how good single life is and she was asking my ex to come out all the time and it made her feel like she was missing out and put in an awkward position.
This all happened last July after that we were in contact a lot through august and so I sent a letter saying thanks for the time we had together I’ve missed you at times and maybe we could enjoy something like it again who knows. and that I have now realized we did spend to much time together
Anyways It’s been nearly 4 months now, we haven’t had much contact as we wanted the dust to settle.
However In October last month we saw each other in town in the Night club.
We had a 10 min chat just asking how each other was e.t.c
Firstly she heard a rumour I was seeing someone which I put her straight that I wasn't and secondly she told me that last week she read my letter again…
I just said It was just to clear the air really. That was that…
I find it strange her bringing up the fact she has been reading the letter?
A lot of people tell me to just wait for her to make the first move cos it was her that finished the relationship but then maybe she feels cheeky after breaking up and upsetting me.
Anyways the other night as I haven’t heard anything since that night. I text her best m8 well only m8 asking her if my ex is ok as I cant get in touch with her.
Anyway she replied back and said yeah she is fine I’ll ask her to give you a ring later.... So since then I’ve not heard anything. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea talking through her best m8 but n/m.
So the advice I’m asking is
Do I wait until she has a new phone, which I don’t know when this will be?
And ask her out for a drink and talk with her.
Or send another letter saying. ‘ Could we try again but this time, take things slower
and that I’m sorry for spoiling things towards the end by being to clingy and not giving her space
What is your advice please?

Hi Craig,
Here's your previous posts:
please help
what do you think?
any suggestions please
any suggestions please
Craig, I think the answer lies in the fact that even now, you're still unable to truly give her space. My advice to you remains the same as ever: leave it be, quit picking at it.
....."Anyways the other night as I haven’t heard anything since that night. I text her best m8 well only m8 asking her if my ex is ok as I cant get in touch with her.
Anyway she replied back and said yeah she is fine I’ll ask her to give you a ring later.... So since then I’ve not heard anything. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea talking through her best m8 but n/m.".....
You didn't hear from her for a few days and went so far as to call her friend asking about her. She was fine. She had *chosen* not to communicate with you, as you very well know there are other ways to do so. Please understand that for your own good. This is still *very* clingy behavior. It really and truly is. This isn't the act of someone who is sure and confident of themselves, this is the desperate act of someone losing control.
Walk away with at least a little bit of your dignity intact, before your actions make it impossible for her to respect you. A woman needs to be able to respect a man if she is going to have any feelings for him.
Good luck, stay strong.
Hi well I was thinking about how many times I've actually been in touch with her the last 3 months well its 2 texts and 1 call for 10 mins. i think really I've given her a lot of space. I can understand your advice and where you are coming from (cl-i sandradee) I did before and made a mistake by getting in touch. I just don't want her to think well he cant be interested in me now cos he is never in touch or maybe it do sent work like that i don't know..
If she had said to me she wasn't happy anymore and that she didn't love me when we finished then I'd of been over her by now.. but it was left quite open and she was so confused to what she wanted. I know her better than any most people and I just think that what we had is worth fighting for... I know I'm being silly and if you think about it 4 months is a long time and it would be fair to say if she wanted me back she would of by now but I dont think its a long time when you no what you want out of life but maybe she needed time on her own and its lasting longer than expected who knows???
You know I have everything out of life great family, great friends nice car nice job but I just miss her. I know ive wrote to you all quite a few times now but
thanks once again :)
UPDATE
Well anyway I could of just left it like some said and some told me to get in touch with her.. well I thought I’d got In touch with her yesterday afternoon on the off chance and
I got through to her. So we chatted for about 20 mins about what we had been up to and how we have been.
She asked me if I had met any 1 and I said No. She said she had met this lad in town
That she meets every sat night. He’s 13 years older and she said she doesn’t no much about him. Which Is quite scary I think but I didn’t say anything A few of mates think he will be married or something because it seems strange. I think she just wants to see who and what is out there. ANYWAYS
After that call I felt I needed to apologise about feeling that I spoilt things towards the end. I knew there was risk to it and a lot would say I shouldn’t. But I needed to know and couldn’t feel down about it. So I rang her back and asked if I could meet up for an hour as I felt bad about something and needed to chat and she accepted.
So I picked her up on the night, she seemed really confident than usuall and she was dressed quite smart even though she wasn’t feeling very well so I promised we’d just go out for an hour. So we went back to mine had a long chat about everything and I brought the fact about her and me.
I told her that Although we had such a great time together I felt I spoilt it towards the end, Some things I did I can’t explain, I was going to put it in the letter but I didn’t and wish I had so that’s why I’m telling you now. I was nervous for her response and she said don’t worry its fine and smiled. She said that
She was really happy with me and loved me but everything got a bit serious and we saw to much of each other and everything went to quick and that we rushed into things Also that
She was in a relationship last year for 10 months then a month later she started going out with me for 5
Months and that she needed to see what was out there and was confused at the time. She said we both were to blame really. But she said a few times a week what we had comes into my head and when I hear songs we used to listen to I think that’s we did.
And used to do..
So overall risky but now everything’s sorted and I feel so much better.
She said the reason she
Hasn’t been in touch the last 6 weeks is cos she lost her phone.
She said I’m glad we’ve had this talk and the dust is settled now and it all feels good.
I asked her if she was still going in town with her only m8 and she said No she’s back with her ex b/f. and she joked saying I probs wont see her again now
So lastly I came out and said, “ I know back in august you said that you wouldn’t go back into past relationships “ But do you think ours could be worth giving another go
After all we got on so well enjoyed the time together, knew were went wrong and we would know to give each other space to do our own thing.
She said well I dunno I sorta want to see how it goes with this
New lad. So I said ah well I wish you well and I hope it works out
And if you’re happy I am. So anyways she hugged me and said our goodbyes and that was that…
So do you think I should leave it now call her once every few weeks maybe go for a drink and see how it goes
Or just leave it and NO contact and let her think I’ve gone...
and I promise no contact...???/
p.s can i just say I know it was risky because I could of driven her away it snot that I ignored peoples advice its just I was really down the worse i've been and I couldn't take anymore I know it makes me sound like wimp but that's the effect she had on me.
THANK YOU FOR READING x