Needing space

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Needing space
1
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 8:22pm
Hi, glad to have found this place. My boyfriend and I have been exclusive for going on 7 months now. He came along when I wan't even looking for anyone, and at first, it was great. We get along so well and have so much in common. In fact, in the beginning I was afraid of the prospect of us not making it. He is my second real bf and my first love, so I was just sure things were meant to last, if not for a few years, then at least longer than it has. For about a month, however, I've really been pondering over just how *hard* it is to be in a relationship. I haven't had a real one in so long that I've forgotten all the effort that has to be put into it. I won't go into details, b/c I'm sure you all get the gyst of what I mean.

He's been out of town for a couple of days for a family funeral, and I really haven't heard from him since friday, on account of his cell phone being cut off (he forgot to pay the bill.) This time apart has really given me time to think of what I want out of this relationship. He has already told me, many times, that he would like to see a future with me. I've imagined us together that way, even thought I might be happy married to him, but have never repeated the sentiment. He knows I have plenty of things I want to accomplish before even thinking about marriage. However, I've always thought I'd do these things (i.e. going back to school, moving to a new town, starting a career) on my own, and that love would come later. Fate threw a curveball at me, though. Anyway, I am thinking I should tell him that I've changed my mind about dating exclusively. Not because I don't love him, or even that I want to see someone else, rather, I don't think I want this relationship to lead to marriage. Not now anyway. Problem is, he's such a sensitive person and he really does love me to death. Also, I'm pretty sure he doesn't have any idea how I feel. I still love him too, which is why I am a little confused as to why I need space (?) I have spent almost 3 days thinking, crying, practically obsessing over this. I feel like such a failure, like I didn't even try to get past this, and I really don't know what happened. I just feel so exhausted sometimes. I dont know what to do, I just DONT want him to hate me. Any advice as how to go about telling him what's on my mind? Furthermore, any advice as to why I might be feling this way now, all of a sudden? Thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 10:19pm
Welcome to the board!! Do you think that hearing him talk about the future and a happily ever after is maybe giving you cold feet? Making you a little scared at the prospect and making you realize you have your whole life ahead of you?? All the things you've discussed doing, you could very well do with a bf or even a husband by your side and you don't have to rush into marriage or anything else you aren't ready for. But if you truly want to end things......you need to tell him. There is no easy way....no matter what, this will hurt him but the sooner you tell him the better. Just think if the roles were reversed how you'd feel would you want him to tell you as soon as he started feeling like this or months down the road. Which way of telling would hurt you the least?? Figure all that out and you'll know what will be the least painful for him to hear. Good luck and keep us posted!!











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