Needs Space, but still wants to keep goi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Needs Space, but still wants to keep goi
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 4:14pm
Hi. THis is my first time posting here. This past Saturday, by BF basically broke up with me, but by Saturday night, he said we should keep going. We've been dating for 6 months. He's very busy with work--he works 7 days a week right now. And I'm supportive of him. I go to his place on Saturday nights because he's been working all day and has to go to work the next day. I don't mind this. We get along perfectly. I feel like he's my best friend. But over the past 2 weeks, i started nagging him saying that 'you dont' call me anymore, and why don't you come into the city (NYC--where i live)during the week", stuff like that. We usually only see each other on Saturday nights. Last week, I saw him Monday night, then Friday night and then we had plans to go to a Holiday Party on Saturday night. When we were at dinner on Friday, I said 'when you come to pick me up at my parents house, we have family in right now and you can come in for a drink and then we'll leave.'. Saturday morning came, and he started getting all anxious. He said he's good with people when it's one on one. He hates interacting with groups of people. He doesn't even go out with his friends anymore. He's been like this for a year, apparently. He stays home and watches movies and if he's not doing that, he's working. So I told him that I can meet him at the party and that he wouldn't have to come to my parents house. And he said 'that's not right. I should be doing things like that. but i have a problem, i know i have a problem and i have to try to fix it.' He said 'what if i don't go to the party but i'll pick you up tomorrow night and we'll go to dinner'. i said no because my family is still going to be there. I got on my train and left. After quite a few phone calls back and forth all day, he said he needs a break for a couple of days. (He's on a deadline for work. He has to have the house finished by the end of December. So I know he's very anxious about that.) Then in another phone call, he said that over the past week things were moving pretty fast with no signs of slowing down. And he's not ready for a super-serious relationship. I told him that we don't have to meet each others' families right now and we don't have to do any of that serious type stuff. I said there's so many lonely people in this world and it's sad to think that when you find someone who you get along with perfectly you would disregard that. I told him that he's my best friend and he said that i'm the person who he talks to the most. And he agrees that we get along great. And he said he likes when i come over and when we go to dinner and when he picks me up at the train. So I ended up going to the holiday party by myself (it was my cousin who was having it) and he asked me to call him when I got home from it. So I did and we had a very nice conversation. He said he was just weirded out all day. I asked why but he really didn't say. Then we decided to give each other our christmas gifts and not return them. I'm not sure when we'll exchange them. After a 45 min talk, I said 'ok. what do you want to do.' and he said, "Let's keep on talking, we'll do what we can, and if it's meant to be it's meant to be." What does this mean? I know that my only option right now is to give him his space. No calls, no emails, no surprise visits to his place. And one of two things will happen. He'll feel relieved that he doesn't have to call me or answer my calls. Or he'll realize he misses me and he'll come back. Can you all help me try to figure out what he wants/needs and how I can give it to him?