The NERVE of This Guy! - Thoughts Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
The NERVE of This Guy! - Thoughts Please
7
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 11:53am

Hi everyone,


I'm just writing here to vent and in the hopes that you guys can relate and "talk me down" from all the upset feelings I have right now. I'm sure a lot of you guys know my story, basically to break it down in a nutshell I dated a guy that in the end lied to me, cheated on me, was addicted to drugs, alcohol, women, porn, etc etc, had a very strange relationship w/ his boss/friend/roommate, I found another woman's underwear behind his bed, when I confronted him he put his hands on me and gave me a nice big bruise… also grabbed my hair (HARD). Anyway, what happened is I finally decided after that that enough was enough and I ended up blocking him online, any/all emails from his email address are blocked, he cannot see me online to IM me, I even changed my cell #. We live 1 1/2 hours apart, so there's no danger of running into him. He owes me money ($1,800) so him getting in contact with me now after I initiated NC would be just stupid of him since now he got off easy and is just sitting pretty. Anyway, I've been PERFECT with NC for 45 days now, and it feels fine. I have no desire to see or speak to him anymore, but this morning he did something that REALLY got to me for some reason. I'm not sure, but I don’t think he even did it on purpose. I came in to work to an email at my work email address from facebook (I don’t even have nor want facebook). It was one of those "come look at my new profile on facebook" things inviting me to sign up and check out his profile. I'm guessing that when he signed up he probably hit a button that offered them to email everyone on his buddylist to join also. I didn’t get the email on my regular aol because his email address is blocked. I was so stunned and pissed off that I immediately hit "reply" and wrote something like "please delete my home/work email addresses from your address book and do not send me anymore emails". I also called from my work phone (being careful not to use my new cell so he wouldn’t have it, he already has my work #) and his phone was off (I knew it would be off because it was early) and I left a message that just said "this is ______, I just got an email from you at work, please delete all my emails from your address book and don’t send me anything else. Thank you, bye" and that was it. I know maybe it wasn’t the best move, but it was spur of the moment and I was angry. I guess I'm just venting here and wondering why is this getting to me so bad? I don’t care if this guy "moves on" so to speak (not that starting up a facebook page is in any way "moving on"), but still… Part of me thinks maybe this guy is just doing things on purpose to piss me off because he sees that I'm not crawling back to him and that even more than that, I am keeping HIM away. I don’t know. Any thoughts?

Jacki

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:04pm

Well, I wish for your sake that you'd posted for advice on how to handle this before you emailed and called him, but what's done is done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:09pm
I agree with Sheri that next time think carefully before contacting him, because that can only fuel his fire. I also broke it off with a guy who owes me money ($1K) and I've written it off as an expensive life lesson; my well-being is worth it, though. Just as an FYI, Facebook will send that message to everyone in his address book, so that means he must have retained your email in his address book.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:16pm
After so long (45 days - you go girl!), it's very possible that it was a mistake that you got an invite from him. If he's new to facebook he may not have realized that it will send an invite to anyone in your address book by default (at least it did when I signed up - I had to choose NOT to send the invite to them). It sucks because it's a reminder of him that you could do without, and sometimes it's easier to believe the worst (that he did it on purpose) - I struggle with that alot with my ex. But if you're able to block him from all emails accounts then you should have to deal with it anymore, and can continue moving on with your life. We're here for you :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:28pm

Well, I'm actually not regretting the fact that I made that contact to make it clear to him once again that I do not wish to be contacted by him any further (even if looking back maybe facebook DID do that automatically and he didn’t send an actual invite) - I'm not even considering this a break in my NC, because I purposely did it in a non-speaking way to him, and I know in my heart that I do not wish to ever have anything to do with him again so im not worried about it. I thought I had blocked all avenues of communication from him, but I forgot about the work email and no, I have no control over that. I cannot block anything on that. I seriously doubt that he would EVER dare call my work number, so I think I'm pretty safe there. I did not receive the email on my aol because he is already blocked on that.


I'm actually happy in my decision to make the contact I made this morning, I feel that even though maybe he didn’t purposely send an invite, I still made him aware that it sent me one due to me being on his buddylist still, and I also reinforced the fact to him that I want nothing more to do with him and to please take me off his buddylist so as to avoid anything like this happening ever again. So I'm gonna continue to move forward and as far as I'm concerned, this morning never happened and tomorrow is day # 46!

Jacki

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:47pm

Ok fair enough--so what's your plan just in case he does respond?


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 1:00pm

Well, being that the only way he possibly could respond would be to email me back here at work, now that I know he still has my work address, is to just not even open the thing and delete it and then delete my deleted items. I think it was just the initial "shock" of seeing his email address again in my inbox that got to me. But I'm over that now and ready to hit that delete button should it be necessary. But short of snail mail (lol) that's his only way of getting me. He doesn’t even know my phone number now. And like I said, I have absolutely NO DESIRE to even speak to him again, so I'm not even getting any urges. I think its just that this guy got under my skin with that email this morning. Hopefully he'll take my advice and just delete me.

Jacki

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 1:05pm

Sounds like a good plan--hopefully you won't need it but I find it helps to have a plan, just in case.


And hopefully you won't have the delayed effect from this incident that contact can have.


Sheri