Never going to find peace : (

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Never going to find peace : (
18
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 4:49pm

It's been almost a week since my breakup (re

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 7:35pm

Thank you so much for taking the time to write.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 7:41pm

Hi Carrie,


Well now it's almost two weeks, but who's counting, right? :

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2007
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 7:50pm
Same to you. I wish you could email me or call. You sound just like me. I miss him so much too and it would be better if he would apologize. The day of her birthday which was the day after all of this went on, he stopped by to bring her presents and took my cell phone and ran out of the house. He knew it was texts and calls in there from this other number he had that he convinced her i was lying. It was so much. And it really hurt me because i just had to think...you did all this for this girl, must really care about her. Really. I know my friends are the same way, they understand but they are kind of like wondering why i am still crying and going on. I just had to explain..."You just dont understand.. I loved that man so hard". So, its awful. I have to deal with him for her sake and possibly deal with the fact that she could be around her. But I will find a way around that, somehow. Lol, you seem like my kindred soul. I feel comfort in knowing that there is someone out there who feels EXACTLY the way i feel but deep inside, i know it will get better.....one day. I just keep telling myself that if i got over that first one, although it was awhile, i will get over this one. The only difference is the child. And thats if he even cares to be in her life right now. Right now his nose is so open with this other chic, she is all he sees. Hope he happy. Im just trying to get myself in that frame of mind where I dont care what he does or what he thinks or if he calls or anything. It is what it is, the chips will fall where they may. And me crying and sitting around here wont change that but then I cant help it. I try to make myself angry at him but the sorrow and pain overcomes that. I have loaded my mp3 player with songs that kill me. I figure the more i listen to them and cry and the more i keep listening to them, I will get better. Because at first, I COULD NOT listen to the radio in fear of a slow song coming on. We had just adopted a new song, Never Felt This Way by Alisha Keys. And after all this happened, I know listen to Who am I to say by Hope and Giving Up by Jennifer Holiday. Then when I want to feel happy, I listen to Sexy Can I by Ray J..Lol. Just how i handle it. And I dont know if you have ever heard of Tyler Perry or watch his plays but if you can, go rent Madea goes to Jail. Its funny as ever but in the end, they talk about relationships and letting go and it makes alot of sense. Plus it will have you laughing alot and you need it just like me. But girl, i wish i could talk to you. Keep in touch.,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 9:38am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 1:19pm

Hi Katie,


Thank you for your response, I think you are definitely on to something here...I wish I knew why it mattered to me what my ex feels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 3:03pm

I know! The no calling has me so confused! Especially when my 'ex' was all about calling me like 300 times a day to check in... now, it's weird, nothing. And as I said, he even said "I need a clean break, no contact is better..." So, I guess I got my answer from him.


I know it seems like you would do better if you were hearing from him. and you're not going to believe me, but honestly, no contact is SO much better. I started counting...Im on Day 5 of break up, but this is only Day 2 of No Contact... The reason why I'm happier this way..? Obviously, if he wanted to try something, or rekindle, has my phone #. ..He COULD call. If I were to call him, I don't think I could handle him saying again "It's done..." I went through it my first 2 days of this breakup. I sent him a text asking him if he was sure this i what he wanted to do... and he said firmly "Yes, lets just exchange things"...It was like he was stabbing an old wound.


It's almost like an addiction; or an obsession. You're USED to hearing from him...and you WANT to... it's your "fix"..."If I could only hear from him once...just once..." Once is NEVER once. Just like a potato chip! Even afterward, you'll feel worse, I swear. At this point, you KNOW no contact is best... so once you do it, you'll feel like you let yourself down. Of course if it ever happens, you'll have to forgive yourself and move on again... but of course it's good to try and avoid it.


I've been thinking and thinkng about why I want him to be hurting...and your idea of your hurting being justified seems possible! However, even then, you're allowing HIS feelings to control YOURS...and you shouldnt let him define who you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 12:35pm

"nah" by Shania is CLASSIC !!


I'm struggling to not contact a guy that busted my heart . . . 3 weeks and counting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 3:06pm

It's totally normal to feel cheated, you emotionally invested a lot into the relationship, even if the physicality wasn't there yet... totally understandable.

I can relate from my end, because the ex and I were only together 7 months, but we had been "Emotionally Dating" way before then; I watched him break up with a girlfriend and etc; so the 7 months was not really close to the actual duration, at least as far as I felt in my heart!

It's so diffuclt... the could shoulda wouldas. I know I could have handled a few of our arguements better, but the thing is, I have to think, well, that pretty much would have just delayed the inevitable. His trust issues would have angered me to a greater point, and I would have drifted further.

And your reasons are right... he HAD the power to make the move, and I agree, if you want a gentleman...HE will make the first move. And if he doesn't chances are, he won't open your door or anything like that and treat you how you should be treated.

You absolutely don't want someone who doesn't realize that you are one of a kind, and there is no one out there like you.... his loss for not seeing it.

Keep that NC up, girl! No Contact is key. And until you cut it off, you'll never fully get over it. Anytime I feel that I want to contact mine, I think "Well, this will set me back, is that worth it..." And its not.

I wish you the best girl! And Yes, this place is amazingly helpful. I also come here when 'm feeling down, and feeling sad, and 9 times out of 10, I feel better after reading...

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