Never going to love again
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Never going to love again
| Tue, 11-07-2006 - 7:12pm |
Girls, I really need some support.
I'm really falling apart right now b/c I don't think I will ever love anyone again. Yes, it's really possible to do this. I promised myself that when my father left when I was 14 I wouldn't b/c it hurt too much. And I didn't for many years.
So of course I finally dated a guy I really liked, and I'm 37. And he's my ex who cheated on me and broke up with me on e-mail after a year.
I'm so devestated. I'll be able to go on, but I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone again. It just hurts too bad.
It's just very depressing to know that I will do this to myself but the alternative, to trust a guy again, is too painful.
I don't know what to do.
Ideas?

Thank you both, you made my day. I really was afraid I'd get some lame-ass response like "Oh, you can't do THAT!" Yes, I can and I did. I'm glad you understand.
Your comments, not healing to stone and about how messed up these guys (dads) are are great.
I know my father & my ex were very spoiled by their parents and there's nothing like a spoiled man to make anyone's life miserable. My ex got very defensive always when I talked about my dad, saying he wasn't like him. I never said he was, but I guess he KNEW he was like him.
There may be some great guys out there, but the problem is too, I'm just not apparently attracted to them. Of course I keep dating guys like my dad (who incidentally is a preacher, but has left 2 families of kids in their pre-school and pre-teen years and now is married a third time to a woman with no small kids).
I'll just have to realize that these two guys, my ex and my dad, are just about the most messed-up guys I have ever met. I mean who cancels a girl meeting his parents after confirming it the night before, and has someone else in his bed at the same time? Why not cancel weeks before, better yet, break up when I am out of the country instead of cheating on me in front of my face. It's so f*d up. That's not the only thing, there are lots more. But who keeps saying I don't want to lose you and crying and then cheats just a few weeks later? Who leaves family after family with kids? Only really really messed up guys.
Anyhow, I'll keep your words and thoughts in my heart. I don't know how I am going to get through this, especially since I can't seem to stop reading his e-mail where he is now dating 5 girls at once but considering that he's lying to all of them, why would I want that?
I hope I am able to figure out how to get over this and move on. And yes, love again. I just sure don't know how to do that. And I'm not sure I'll ever figure it out.
Edited 11/8/2006 12:01 pm ET by devuchka
Devuchka,
I know it's hard to believe right now, but you WILL love again. I've been hurt so many times, but it's part of the game. It just means that there is a better love out there for you. Want some proof for yourself? Try keeping a notebook for the next 365 days and for each day, mark the top of the page for the journal entry until you count down to the last day of the year. Meanwhile, keep going out, join a dating site. I bet that if you look over your notebook in one year and keep your heart open, you will have found love or atleast a better relationship.
I would also recommend a therapist to talk to, to help you resolve some of the pain and brokenness your dad caused.
I hope this helps.
GB
Gal Blondie
I don't know how long it has been since your ex broke up with you but don't ever think you won't fall in love again because I bet you will. My ex literally ran from our relationship 5 months ago and I am still an emotional mess at times. There are days where I tell myself that I won't love anyone as deep as him but I am also still trying to heal my heart and it is very natural to feel this way during the healing process. Right now, just concentrate on healing yourself and don't worry about finding love (that will happen when you are healed). Take this time to surround yourself with people who love you which are family and friends.
Take Care!