Never thought...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Never thought...
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 5:15pm
I really thought this was one board I'd never be posting on... I never intended to date anybody, much less break up with them! It was a typical head-over-heels start--only not typical because it was a first for both of us since we had chosen not to date until we were ready for more serious committment. Except, it turned out that I'm not so sure he was ready for committment! He would argue to the death that he has no issues with committment.... yet, he wanted the relationship to just be an exploration of "what if"...friends with feelings? Caused probs cause our mutual friends felt like we were hiding that we were dating. Eventually we gave up on that and just said we're dating. I wanted him to meet my family and talk to them-- I think that's important--and he agreed in theory.... but in reality he kept refusing to do so. He was talking marriage, our physical relationship was way out of hand, and in every other way he seemed committed...though we did start fighting when we spent every moment together, but I felt a lot of that tension was because I was struggling with feeling he was uncommitted. We did know that due to him finishing school, it was going to be a couple years before we'd actually get married. At no point did I pressure him...I thoght he'd need to get pretty close to me before being ready to talk to my family about our relationship... not that he had to marry me or anything, just talk to them. Well, eventually I had to give him an ultimatum before our relationship went long-distance-- we either talk to our families about this relationship or we go back to being just friends (meaning our communication is non-affectate and very limited)... He resisted but within 24 hours of not being able to talk to me whenever he wanted, he was asking for my dad's phone number. The problem is, now he's all ready to commit and I'm disallusioned that maybe I'm not so interested after all! I like him a lot, but this would be like starting over, forgetting our history, and dating "for real" now... but now I don' tknow who he is-- the guy I fell in love with, or the cantankorous guy I've been dating hot and heavy for the past few months. We've been together 8 months now, btw. I'm so new to this whole thing and unsure what to do. I feel OBLIGATED to date him now that he's talking to my dad about it.. since he thinks that's what I wanted all along. But the kind of guy I want to marry wouldn't have had to be pressured into taking that iniative...I want a go-getter, not a "if I have to" type... Am I unfair? Now, we are in the in between period (he calls my dad tomorrow, he said) and I am missing him badly and trying not to contact him. To give in now, would be breaking my word that we would be just friends until he called dad. Agh. What a mess.... I am not feeling very strong at the moment...