Never thought he would do this

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2014
Never thought he would do this
Mon, 01-06-2014 - 9:53pm

Hi, I am really looking for some advise. My boyfriend dumped me after almost a year together. I feel quite pathetic, I am a 34 year old woman who has not been in many long term relationships due to a previous toxic relationships with my sons father. I have been in therapy and have gotten back on my feet- it took me quite a number of years but i finally found my confidence and allowed myself to start dating again. Over the last five years or so I have dated here and there, nothing serious and no one that I have fell in love with. Then last April, i met my boyfriend.... He broke down all my walls and I fell in love with him. He was everything I was looking for in a partner--soulmate-- husband-- whatever you wish to call it. We moved quite fast, faster than I normally would have, but we were in love. He set the speed of our relationship and I was all in... We spent a lot of time together, he asked for a monogomous relationship within the first month of us dating and he introduced me to his family with in six weeks. He has been married twice before, he claims his first wife fell out of love with him and his second wife cheated on him. He knew I had never been married and definately was interested in getting married one day. We never really talked about it because in my opionon I thought we were going to be together forever and marriage was just inevitable. We grew very close and within about 3 months I introduced him to my 10 year old son and my family. Not a day went by that we didn't speak on the phone. he always made me and my son a priority. Things were going great! He would sometimes tease me and call me MRS. (insert his last name), his mom called me her daughter in law, sister and brother called me their sister in law. All of these great signs that were pointing me in the safe and secure direction of us becoming a family. Six months into our relationship and my son had to be put in the hospital and he was such a huge rock for me. He let me cry, he listened to my fears, and he soothed me at night. While my son was in the hospital I got displaced from my home, and he kindly offered me to stay with him. Long story short I told him it was short term until I could find somewhere else to live, but he insisted I stay there even mentioning my son and I move in. We talked in length about it and I finally agreed, his lease was coming up in three months and it was a one bedroom so we were going to look for a bigger place..... well, he got spoooked. And I understood that- I even moved out, found another place for my son and I to live and we continued dating. But it was still a bad fight... i felt slightly confused and let down, but I loved him and he continued to love me....  Fast forward a few weeks later.... we had previously discussed moving in together after he signed another lease for his apartment, we didn't have an exact time frame but it was understood that it would be less than a year.  Well he never told me until I found out a week before Christmas that he resigned his lease for 18 more months, putting us to June of 2015....I got upset and backed off bc I really started to get scared. He got mad at me and dumped me... DUMPED me... after speaking to each other every day and being with each other 3-4 days a week he dumps me via text, blocks me on facebook and doesn't give me any explanation excpet to say he is never getting married again, he knows that is something I want and he doesn't think he will ever want it. And it's best to end things now.... I am totally like WTF!! I am miserable. I have tried to reach out to him, but he has cut me off. He asked for his key bac(which he gave me 4 months into our relationship)   and basically told me never to contact him again... What happened? Its been almost three weeks since I saw him and heard his voice and almost 2 weeks since he broke my heart. I don't know what to think or do.... I try to get up each day and be strong and put on a brave face. I cry almost every day. I feel like this is my fault, then I realize he is obviously afraid of committment. But the pain I am in, i feel like I would exchange that just to be with him for the rest of my life even if we never got married.....But he wants nothing to do with me, and I feel hurt and rejected. I let him in.....he was my everything....