new breakup-confused
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new breakup-confused
| Mon, 11-15-2004 - 10:27am |
Hi-
My bf and I were together for a little over a year. I had to move away 3 months ago to attend grad school. We are now 6 hours apart. He comes to visit this weekend, and in my view, for the sole purpose of breaking up. We've been having problems with distance, but I expected that, and he didn't. He wants everything to be easy, and when its not he shuts down. There are always things in a relationship that you need to work on, distance or not. I'm very hurt because to me, he was worth working for, and he did not feel the same. This is such a hard time. As I was looking forward to a life together someday soon, he was drifting away.
So yesterday he says, in regard to the relationship "I just want to have my cake and eat it too." I still want to talk to you every day, and see you, but I don't want to be in a long distance relationship with you, and it's not you it's just the distance. I told him that it was not possible, that I can't give him that right now, that I need to protect myself, but I really feel like it ended badly. Tears in the car on the way to the airport, and then me saying I don't want to talk to you right now, and he's saying "I'll call you tomorrow." I don't want to completely sever all ties, but I feel like it would be healthier for me in the long run. Should I call and tell him that, I don't want last night to be the last time I speak to him. I don't want him to remember me that way. I don't know if any of this makes sense right now, but thanks for listening.
Sarah
My bf and I were together for a little over a year. I had to move away 3 months ago to attend grad school. We are now 6 hours apart. He comes to visit this weekend, and in my view, for the sole purpose of breaking up. We've been having problems with distance, but I expected that, and he didn't. He wants everything to be easy, and when its not he shuts down. There are always things in a relationship that you need to work on, distance or not. I'm very hurt because to me, he was worth working for, and he did not feel the same. This is such a hard time. As I was looking forward to a life together someday soon, he was drifting away.
So yesterday he says, in regard to the relationship "I just want to have my cake and eat it too." I still want to talk to you every day, and see you, but I don't want to be in a long distance relationship with you, and it's not you it's just the distance. I told him that it was not possible, that I can't give him that right now, that I need to protect myself, but I really feel like it ended badly. Tears in the car on the way to the airport, and then me saying I don't want to talk to you right now, and he's saying "I'll call you tomorrow." I don't want to completely sever all ties, but I feel like it would be healthier for me in the long run. Should I call and tell him that, I don't want last night to be the last time I speak to him. I don't want him to remember me that way. I don't know if any of this makes sense right now, but thanks for listening.
Sarah

my advice, although it's hard, try no contact, at least for a few days. just let you have some good old "you" time. really take this time to reflect on things. let yourself calm down enough to sort out your feelings. until you're sure of how you feel, it's probably NOT a good idea to talk to him. (how can you tell him how you feel when you aren't sure yourself?)
anyways, i know it's hard, but you're strong, and you can do this!
i'm here for you if you ever need anything.
aim: deathxbecomesher
email: blargleargle@yahoo.com
<3333,
Jenna
Good for you!! That was a very strong (yet difficult) move to make. Despite what you are feeling in your heart right now, you did the right thing. You can't be friends with someone so soon after you break up - it's just not possible. I know how bad you want to call him or email him, but I don't think you should. It will not allow you to move on. And, I know that in your heart right now, you are hoping things aren't over for good. And, maybe that is the case. But if it is...let him come to you. In the meantime, you need to keep yourself occupied - I'm sure school is a distraction. I always say, you want to be with someone who is 100% sure they want to be with you, and you deserve nothing less than that.
Trust me, I wish I would have taken my own advice, because I have called and emailed my exes. The truth is that every time I have done so, I never get the response I want. I always end up feeling worse than if I wouldn't have called.
I truly beleive if he will change his mind, he'll let you know,