new breakup = very lonely
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new breakup = very lonely
| Tue, 01-16-2007 - 12:45pm |
My boyfriend and I broke up a little over a week ago. We had been dating for 2 and a half years and the breakup really killed me. We decided to stay friends and for the past week that had been going pretty well. After finding out that he is trying to date other women, I realized that it hurt too much to try to be "just friends". I met up with him and told him how I felt. He understood and since then we haven't talked; that was two days ago. I'm not a huge wreck, and I have been going to work and trying to keep myself busy, but I'm so scared of what's to come this weekend. When he and I started dating each other I had just moved to town and his friends became my friends. I realize that it's no longer okay for me to call them and see if they want to hang out or anything, but that leaves me very lonely. I have family and a couple of friends of my own, but both are kind of flakey. I know there is no instant remedy to get me out of this "funk" but maybe some advice would help? I would love to keep myself busy with shopping and pampering, but money is a little tight and I have to be careful. I guess I need advice on how to stop thinking about him and missing him. Also advice on how to keep myself busy would be great.

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Hey!
First off. Put a smile on your face. Not to hide the pain, but because you will feel better just a little each time you do it. Share your warmth with someone... do you know someone at work who seems to be having a rough time? Give him/her a lollipop or something. Seriously - I'm 33 and I STILL do things like this.
What to do to keep busy? Do you like crafts? knitting? ceramics? painting? Ever wanted to try it? I have a GREAT book recommendation - 2 actually. Women who run with the wolves... and Sam's Letters to Jennifer (Sam being her grandmother - not a guy!) or any of the Janet Evanovich books.
I don't have a large social circle, but when I put the word out that I needed some company Saturday night - TEN people showed up for dinner. I cried. Not because of the breakup, but because I knew that every single one of those people - some who I'm not even close with - showed up in support of me.
Write down what you are feeling. Make a list of places you'd like to go, things you'd like to do and see and people you'd like to have around you. Make no serious decisions right now... or you could regret it.
And color your hair?? It's inexpensive :) I'm now a wee bit lighter. DO NOT cut your hair... let me warn you. I actually have a tendency to cut my hair short when I'm feeling down. And I finally have it past that nasty growing in stage... I canceled my appt for a trim last week and my stylist laughed when I told her that it was because I don't trust myself to get emotional. I explained the situation and she promised not to cut my curls off for 3 months no matter what I say. *grin*
Get a cd player or m3 player and walk, walk until you cannot walk anymore and then walk more. Heck, you'll get many benefits from that alone! And, who cares if you're alone doing it. I use e-books... Time traveler's wife, eragon, the walmart effect (LOVE THIS ONE!) whatever...
I hope you feel better and find lots of new ways to keep you going strong.
*hugs*
Hmm, low budget ideas - look into a walking/hiking group, or just go for a walk, rent movies from the local library or books on tape or even check out some good self-help books to read. Consider volunteer work through a church or local hospital or even a local college. volunteermatch.com also lists by zip code and area. Take a bubble bath, clean a closet or junk drawer, orgainze your files, re-arrange furniture in your place.
Journal write. Do something creative, even coloring. Check out a FreeCycle group in your area through Yahoo. You might be able to get a jigsaw puzzle from someone giving one away. Some people give away craft stuff as well.
Fill your weekend. But if you need to vent, the boards are always open.
Carrie
I just had to comment...I love Janet Evanovich and I've never met another person that read Time Traveler's Wife (odd book, but good). I also like Stuart Woods and Jonnathan Kellerman.
To: justme2007 - Women Who Runs with Wolves is excellent
Here's some other books to consider:
I Used to Miss Him...But My Aim is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide by Alison James
Simple Abundance – Sarah Ban Breathnach
The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz
Carrie
I will swing by B&N tonight to see if I can't find those. I LOVE to read and I will read anything. And I mean anything. I have a pact to never start reading something and not finish it... even if it takes me a long time.
I'm a fast reader...I want to write a novel someday too and I gather inspiration from what other's write. Not their ideas... but the emotion and powerful word choices.
Right now, if I were to write a book it would be called one of these titles:
These are MY feet, please don't step on them again
This is MY heart - I think I'll just keep it
The power of pain
Loving someone who doesn't feel like being loved
How NOT to attract bad relationships
Why my friends are my world
Look Man - Stay Away from ME
My best friend, why did he hurt me?
and...
It's NOT me whose broken.
I will survive. I get stronger every single moment. Reading helps me... and not because it's an escape... because it gives me hope and strength :)
I will have to read that book... You know I have found it a relief not to have to worry about him and to hear him tell me all the good things that he MIGHT do sometime. It's time for me... it's hard. I bought 2 new movies last night, and my classes start today and I have loads of work to put out in the next week or so. Keeping busy isn't a problem...
eating on the other hand... that's a BIG problem.
I'm seeing the ex for the first time in 2 weeks today. I'm a little worked up, but I will be fine with it :)
I'm so mad at him right now, that I could SPIT nails :) Anger is the second stage of grief. I will work through it and come out shining. And I will work through this, and move on with my life.
I just can't believe how much of a passive agressive creep he can be... the chameleon has shed his skin.
Hang in there. Keep a positive mental attitude and go do something nice for yourself today - or even better - send someone a card or flowers just because :)
Hang in there and if you can be somewhere else or have someone else there when he moves... it will be easier on you. Once he's gone, I can tell you that you WILL heave a huge sigh of relief. This happened to me when my ex-husband and I seperated the final time. I literally passed out and a very sweet friend changed me into my pjs and tucked me in bed with a brand new teddy bear. I will never be able to thank him enough for being there with me.
Don't worry too much about the saying mean things... you are hurt and have a right to lash out. It will pass...
My ex and I had a HUGE fight last night. We were angry and hurting each other with snide volleys about all sorts of things. We made up today when we met so that I could give him back his house keys (we didn't live together, but I had free access). He walked in, we hugged and he told me he was so sorry for last night and this morning... I hugged him and told him that I was sorry too.
Quite honestly, I didn't know how I would feel seeing him after only 13 days. But, it was kind of like running into an old friend. We had a nice conversation, catching up about life and what we are doing. We were nervous though... at first. Then it was just... nice.
I feel warm and fuzzy for a few reasons. First, he's not wearing the cologne that he wore that made me nuts for him :) And, I smell like him now because he was wearing A LOT of it. lol. Second, he hugged me and it felt wonderful. Third, there was no tension there. And... I care for him and needed to see with my own eyes that he is ok. He looks sad. But, I have no doubts at this minute.
It gets easier. I told him to call me in a few weeks when he wants to talk... because I know that he will. We have a lot left unsaid and we really need to talk, otherwise our personalities will lead us to poke at each other until we just lay it on the table.
I miss him a lot... but it's just not the same today :)
My relationship was nearly 7 years. First boyfriend/first love/neighbor/highschool sweetheart/best friends before we dated. Thought he was, "The One." My heart was crushed when he said he lost feelings for me. I lost 10 lbs in 2 wks from not having an appetite. I cried puddles in bed, driving, in the shower, in front of friends, everywhere. But you know what? Life goes on and if I could survive, you can too. =)
When I was in pain, it hurt me so much to see him/hear about him having so much fun without me. I realized what I needed to do to get my mind off of him.
I copied everything he did. I picked up a job. Even though I hated going, it DID take my mind off of him for a little while. I mended old friendships and made new stronger friendships with people I never thought I'd be friends with. I kept my distance from our mutual friends, because I didn't want to hear about him. I started working out with my friends. Not only was that therapeutic, because I got to vent during this time, but I also noticed great physical changes in my body. I hate shopping, but went anyway and forced myself to get out of the house. I'd wear my new clothes and feel great in them. I got a haircut. My relationship with my siblings/family/God grew stronger. I kept a journal and wrote in it all the time. I bought a breakup book, "It's called a breakup because it's broken." I traveled and spent time with great friends.
I know it's hard now, but these are a few things you can do til the time passes and the pain subsides. Take it one day at a time. Just know that you're a great person and it's his loss. If you've been a great girlfriend, you don't have to live with a guilty conscience. There is something greater in store for you in the future. You deserve better.
I've been in a relationship since I was 16. Now, I'm 24. I really didn't know what it was like to be alone, but I've learned to embrace the loneliness and I'm loving every bit of it. I don't need to depend on anyone but myself for happiness.
Even though someone in my family is dying of cancer, my ex bf got tired of being in a long term relationship, I've accrued an atrocious student loan debt, and school is kicking my butt, I'm loving life. You should too. It's not the end of the world. Just have faith. =)
Wow iminseclusion, we share so much of the same thing. I was 15 when i started with my ex i am now 23, highschool sweetheart/bestfriend/first love/first everything. How long has it been for you? It has been two months today and i am still so hurt and absolutely think i will never get over this. I feel the same like he is having so much fun without me and actually found he just created a myspace page and has sent his ex (from when we broke up 6yrs ago for a couple months) a message. Saying happy new year. I am absolutly torn inside and can not believe he would betray me like that. I am so nervous and sick to my stomach thinking about him with her again.
How do i get through this feeling of seeing and picturing him with anyone else non-the less with her. It is like i feel "was he thinking about her the last 6yrs while he was with me" i just feel unbearable pain. Here i am feeling like i can never love again and he possibly is talking to her! How am i ever gonna get thorugh this and accept it. How can i ever love again? Like you he was my all i thought he was the one. What am i suppose to do and feel? It hurts so bad.. I feel like if he could go on why am i so stuck here and cant picture my life wiith anyone else.... This hurts like crazy........
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