new breakup = very lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
new breakup = very lonely
22
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 12:45pm
My boyfriend and I broke up a little over a week ago. We had been dating for 2 and a half years and the breakup really killed me. We decided to stay friends and for the past week that had been going pretty well. After finding out that he is trying to date other women, I realized that it hurt too much to try to be "just friends". I met up with him and told him how I felt. He understood and since then we haven't talked; that was two days ago. I'm not a huge wreck, and I have been going to work and trying to keep myself busy, but I'm so scared of what's to come this weekend. When he and I started dating each other I had just moved to town and his friends became my friends. I realize that it's no longer okay for me to call them and see if they want to hang out or anything, but that leaves me very lonely. I have family and a couple of friends of my own, but both are kind of flakey. I know there is no instant remedy to get me out of this "funk" but maybe some advice would help? I would love to keep myself busy with shopping and pampering, but money is a little tight and I have to be careful. I guess I need advice on how to stop thinking about him and missing him. Also advice on how to keep myself busy would be great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 12:12pm
Last night my ex came home and we talked and ordered food. It was nice. We didn't talk about us but what was going on in his life. I fell asleep on the couch with him. It was nice to be like friends again, but my heart still aches that he is moving out. But maybe that is what we need right now, some space, and perhaps we can be friends and keep open the possibility for a future reconciliation. I don't want to delude myself with false hope, but it makes me feel a little better to think that this doesn't have to be the absolute end. If I play it cool now and be his friend maybe this is possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 3:07pm

I'm almost at 6 months. Of the 6+ years we dated, we were inseperable. We lived together for 5 years. When we broke up, he started networking and he also created a myspace. He would post pictures of himself going out/drinking/partying. I felt disrespected, because I felt like he was flaunting it in my face, while I was at home and miserable. I refused to go out because I didn't want to run into him. He was having such a great time without me. He didn't need me anymore. That made me want him even more. Even when my friends told me he was interested in another girl, I still chased him. I thought to myself, we are each other's first everything, he couldn't possibly be interested in someone so quickly.

I was in major denial. I felt like I lost everything that mattered in my life. Time passed by slowly, I felt like my friends betrayed me, I felt abandoned, like he got bored and just left me, especially when I've done SO much for him. I motivated him to go to college, I motivated him to be more social, to be a better person, ect..

I would check his myspace compulsively. I would check his text msgs, voicemails, away msgs on AIM, I would look outside my window to see if his car was home (he lived down the street). It was bad. Everytime I checked his myspace, something would hurt me. If a girl wrote a comment, it would ruin my day. It was one of the hardest things to do, but I stopped checking all of those things. When I did that, I noticed I had less sad days.

When I started picturing him with another girl, I'd feel sick to my stomach too. The only way to get over that feeling is to truly let him go. He was my first love. Honestly, I don't think I'll get over him, because he will always have a place in my heart, but I have accepted the fact that my life is no longer with him. We are no longer one entity. There is nothing in my power that I can possibly do to change the way his heart feels. I know in my heart that I have been the best person/gf I could possibly be to him. I have never cheated or wronged him in any way. If he doesn't want a great girl that can offer him the world, then the next person in my life will truly appreciate me more.

It's really hard, but the pain WILL subside. You WILL love again, I promise! =) Just know that everything happens for a reason. The pain you feel now will only prepare you for how much happiness awaits you in the future.

I am not saying that because I have a new boyfriend. I am still single, and he is too. There's something greater in store for the both of us. We just have to give it some time. =) If you have any questions or want to know more about my situation or if you want to tell me more about yourself, feel free to. I'd love to hear everything you want to share.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 3:19pm
Thank you so much for the great advice. Here is my email i would like to talk a little more if you would like.. jgrasso@nawsct.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 8:57pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 4:29am
Are you feeling any better?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 7:40am

I think what you said is so true and I believe every bit of it, I just have a hard time doing it myself, even though I want to. I had met my ex on line 7 yrs ago but we just talked for 2 yrs not meeting until New Years of the 3rd yr. Almost a yr after that I moved 3 states away to live with him. If I could only have known that he'd fall out of love and break up with me the Friday before New Years this year, I'd have never have come here. It really sucks and I have my good days and my bad days. More bad days this week than the last 2 but it's on and off. I think I do better during the week b/c of work but this is the first weekend I've been home at our apt since and it's horrible (the past 2 I drove 7 hrs to see my family, yep both weekends just for 1 1/2 days)He calls me during the week just to check on me and I love that b/c at least I know he's thinking of me. I've not answered the phone too many times b/c once I hang up I either get that false hope of pit in my stomach. He caught me on a bad day this past week and I had a mini meltdown, on top of that I was sick so that didn't help either. I told him that he didn't need to call me...he said that he wasn't going to stop calling me b/c he cares about. Screw that! Now technically we live together but he stays at his friends house so I rarely see him now.... I think what I have to do is just not answer the phone too. As much as I want to talk to him, I don't hear what I want to hear so really it's not a good call anyhow right?

I just started reading the book "It's called a break up b/c it's broken" It is funny and I just started it so I'm hoping to get to the point where it helps me and comforts me like everyone says it does. I guess I really just need to start my own life again and realize that he's not in it as I had planned him to be. NC is my new modo. If you have any suggestions please help me out I just need someone to talk to b/c my family and friends have got to be tired of listening to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 3:08pm

Well now i am a complete mess. My friends work at a restaurant in my are and
were working last night and called and said they think my ex was there. Well i had
remebered from before we broke up that his uncles 50th birthday party was planned for
that day. I had no idea where it was gonna be but anyways so i guess it was there. Well
they told me he was with another GIRL. I am a complete mess right now it has only been
two months and he already has a new girl that he is bringing to a family party... WTF. I
dont know what to do right now so why i sit and suffer over my 8+ yr relationship he has
moved on. My friends did say they were arguing all night cause she was sitting by herself
the whole time and at one point he was on his phone and she was like WTF blah blah.

Like how can he already be withsomeone else..did i not mean anything to him. I know
he is not gonna be faithful to her like he was with me because he is still trying to
contact that ex-girl on the myspace thing but what the hell do i do know. I cant move on
at all. I feel so stupid like i meant nothing to him and now i sit and suffer while he is
already with someone new. What the hell did i do to deserve this. Here i am not able to
even see myself with someone else and he is bringing a new girl to his family like what
is wrong with him. How could he do this after being with me for so long. This jerk was my
future, my dreams, my everything i did it all for him and he could just go on so quickly.
How do i know stop thinking of him being with her and what he is doing with her while i
sit here and feel like my life is over. There is nothing else to look forward to. I feel
so betrayed and like a loser that he told me oh i want to be single, find myself and all
this crap but he is already bringing girls around his family. I am completely destroyed
and just cant go on. I am at my wits end feeling like crap when i was the best i could be
with him. I am the better person and he gets to be the one to move on and have someone
new and i dont.

I am so sick and tired of feeling like a piece of dirt... what did i do so wrong to him
for him to just go on. I guess i meant nothing to him and 8+ yrs of my life were all
lies. He probably could care less about me and is just so happy right now.

Sorry for rambling thanks for listening.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 8:39pm

I feel your pain. My relationship was just as long as yours, and he was the first to move on. It's unfair, especially when we're the ones suffering and in pain. Just have faith. Just know in your heart that you've been a great girlfriend to him. If he doesn't appreciate you, then the next guy in your life will. Good things come to those who wait. Just remember that. For now, keep yourself busy and seclude yourself from anything that has to do with him. Separate yourself from anyone who knows him. The more you hear about him, the more it'll make you sick to your stomach.

Surround yourself with positive people who understand you or friends that will never get tired of listening to you vent. 2 months is still pretty fresh, but trust me, time will pass by quickly again and the pain will dissipate. Feel free to vent on here anytime. Let us know how you're doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 4:59pm
I'm on the same boat. My ex and I broke up 2 months ago, and from that time till New Years, we were trying to work things out with one another. But now, its very over and I'm feeling terribly lonely. I moved out on my own about 3 months ago, so I'm in a totally new city with only a few friends. I feel completely lost. Work keeps me busy, but when I get home and I'm alone, thats the worst. Some suggestions people have told me..write in a journal, write a letter to him saying how you feel but dont send it. Friends are always the best medicine to cure heartbreak. I'm still looking for new things to take my mind off him..
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:54pm

Hi everyone. This is my second post ever (1st being on another board tonight). I am freshly out of an 11+ year relationship that I knew would not get better. He could not just 'be nice'. Warning signs were there with his relationships with exs and family, but silly me thought for me he'd change. Not that he was always negative, but a lot of the time sarcastic and just snotty. Well life it too short and I ended it 2 weeks ago.

It is hard. It is sad. I love him, but you know what life goes on. I have a feeling I'm a lot older than most of the people posting here, but have been married and survived that ending as well.

My ex kept contact with me and cried etc and I even said maybe we can work something out (this was just last week) and then on Friday I found out he was already online posting for his next, hopefully last long term relationship. Hurt? Yes I am, but as I write I realize that he is so full of it. He is masking the pain, he is posting stuff that is not true and the women he will get will be exactly opposite of what he really wants out of life. Does not make it easier and I do feel like he has diminished our love, friendship and what was supposed to be a life together. Well I told him to stay away and leave me alone.

I'm not ready to go out and find someone and do not like thinking of him with another woman so I push those thoughts down immediately, I talk to my support group, I'm posting here!, and I am picking up with things that I have not done but wanted to...writing my book, studing for a certification for something I want. I'm continuing my working out to look even hotter (yeah) and may even get a new hair style and some new clothes...so my advice take care of yourself and remember this too shall pass. One day you will look back and sigh a sigh of relief and say wow am I lucky to have dodged that bullet!

Hope this helps (it is helping me)! Take good care and I wish you peace!