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| Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:53am |
Here is my brief story:
I am 22 years old and have been in an off and on relationship with the same man for over three years. Our relationship seems to be toxic for both of us. We have repeated the same pattern over and over again. He breaks up with me, comes running back, I take him back and we srat over. Just a little better each time but still failing. He just boke up with me about 22 weeks ago. And the sappy text messages have just started telling me how much he loves me and misses me but doesn't know if he can come back. I have rejected him so far, but don't know how to stay strong.
I have so much going on right now. Trying to continue working hard to pay off my credit card debts and be back in school 18 months from now.
I still love him. Always will. But there is just too much history and baggage that will always haunt him. With every gith we have, he brings up all past issues, even if they have not been problems for well over a year. All this amimosity from him leaves me saddened and bitter. He never really commits to making the relationship work! I can't make him try! I don't think I want to ever take him back, but I don't know how to be that strong! I have no money to go out, or even hang out with friends much. Very few distractions! If he comes calling again, I am afraid that I might answer! What to do?
thanks for any advice!
Kat

Alright - so this relationship is pretty much a broken record with a permanent crack? Why keep replaying it? If you insist seek couple counseling. Now, from another perspective...
you are both very young and sad to say but- women are so involved with wanting to be in a committed relationship they never give themselves time to experience life (which in this case is men!) If we all could allow ourselves to do this we would be on the same page with the guys out there.
Sweety, your on/off again boyfriend really does care for you but not enough to honestly say to your face he doesn't want to be tied down to just ONE person! It's almost as if he still feels that there is better out there and he can acquire it! Even if he knows he is not in the same league with another girl just the fact that there is a small percent she may acknowledge him is what drives him to be so unstable with you.
Besides, hon- if you haven't realized it------ you have been more successful in your endeavors without him than when he was around. Get it? Sometimes people are so negative they cause nothing good to happen to you and there are those that emotionally turn you negative, whether you want it or not.
So- I am proud of you for not answering those calls- you will also see how quickly he is to turn the other cheek or straighten out his act with you!
Thank you,
I know I should just run away. This situation is ridiculous. He has broken up to me and came running back at least six or seven times in this past four years. And for five or six of those times he had good reason to leave but this time, there was not much wrong with the relationship. Nothing beyond the first time living with each other stages. Nothing big at all. Definitely nothing that could not have been talked out, or worked out.
But there was a lot wrong in the first three years and he is the first to bring up everything that happened in the past. He would tell me that he did not really want to be with me, that he did not want to be living here, whenever we would fight. And this new saying of his was ' that he wanted to run away forever from me and start all over'.
I told him that I did not feel good about him continuing to say these things without explanation or apology.
He has been living with me for this last seven months and has been paying only 10 percent of the rent while I pay the rest. I did this at first because he was in a bind and needed some help. It was only supposed to be a month or two but it turned into seven and he did want to contribute more. He only had some clothes at my house and toiletries. Eveything else was in storage. With his new hurtful statement being said , I told him that right now I felt like putting his clothes outside and saying goodbye. He got all bent out of shape and took all his stuff and left. saying that he should be able to trust his girlfriend with his stuff. But don't you usually tell a girlfriend that you want to be with them and that you want to be living there? Not the opposite? Was I not right to feel the way I did?
And now he wont leave me alone. With incessant texts of how much he loves me and misses me and can't think of anyone else and can't move on. But he wont be with me. He will just text me all of this hurtful stuff even though I have asked him to leave me alone. I have gone two days with no response to his texts but it all hurts so much... Why do I love such a jerk? Was i wrong to tell him I wanted to put his stuff outside when he kept saying he did not want to be with me?
::sigh::
I just need to keep ignoring his texts right?
Kat
www.saveakat.com
Hi dreams....
Like I said I'm not at the best point in my relationship to give advice but I must admit he sounds a lot like my husband. First it was the last three months, than the last 8 months , than the last yr then the whole 11yrs that was wrong. He is now leaving.... I know it's going to be difficult to ignore his texts because for that brief moment you think FINALLY!!!! he's woken up , but you know what .. he never will.... He doesn't know what he wants but he figures if your still there he can always come back. Don't be there for him, just don't. I'm slowly coming around to that way of thinking so I know it's HARD very HARD. I still think maybe.... but for right now I personally have my little girl to think about. You have YOU to think about and that is all that matters.
Wow, at 22 you're so young to be wrapping yourself around the axle for him.
Hey Kat, you sound like a strong person to me. At least you're smart enough to figure out that you weren't in a healthy relationship and knew it wasn't going to work. It's never good to bring up past issues. You should talk about it with your parner, find a solution or compromise and leave it as that. There is not point in bring it back up, it will only cause stress and build resentment. Needless to tell you, you know the pain you have to go through during a breakup so you don't want to continue to get hurt over and over again by letting him back in your life. It's like a vicious cylce and I think you had enough. If for whatever reason, you want to get back with him and truly think it is for the best, then I suggest you is a professional to help work through your relationship problems, if you have not already done so. I don't see the point in setting yourself up to get hurt again, if you have tried everything to save the relationship. Why waste more time in something that will cause you pain in the end?
If you feel it is best to end it and want to put an end to this painful cycle, I suggest not to have any more contact with him. Let him know you will always care for him but it is best for both of you to part ways because you guys are just not right for one another. Let him know, both of you are going to end up hurt if you're together. It's better to end it on good terms, which make it easier to move on. Let him know that neither of you should contact each other, to help the recovery process. Ask him to respect your decision, if he calls remind him why you guys shouldn't contact one another and don't respond if you disregards your wishes. Just one contact if either person, can set you back alot.
It will take time and you will be happy again. Guys are like shoes. You may have a pair of shoes you love but it's 3 sizes too small for you. Why would you want to keep a pair of shoes that doesn't fit you? You make love them, but they don't fit no matter how hard you try. Why would you go through all the stress and pain of forcing your feet in a pair of shoes that doesn't fit you, when there are so many other shoes you can choose from? When the shoe doesn't fit, it's time to go shopping for another pair.