New here and need advice (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
New here and need advice (long)
5
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 3:59pm

I feel bad and I am not sure what to do.

Brief history, I started seeing my exbf again back in the spring after a long break (3+ years) and A LOT of soul searching.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 4:55pm

As you can see, staying friends is not working out in this situation. You are a caring person, and are upset for him, since he still wants you as a girlfriend, but you know that he is not the right person for you.

If you make a clean break from him, he doesn't know it, but you'll be doing him a favor. He will be free to find a woman who wants to build a life with him. Know ultimately that people who were once romantically involved cannot stay active friends once they find a significant other. I know I wouldn't like it, or put up with a boyfriend who hung out with an ex.

It's not in your nature, apparently, but you need to be a stronger person for the both of you right now. Let him know that for the both of you to move on, that you will no longer be communicating with each other. Don't let him argue with you or engage you in a long discussion on his opposite thoughts on the matter. Walk away, hang up the phone, etc. Don't reply to his phone messages, etc. Block his number and e-mails if possible. It seems uncaring, but it's actually necessary behavior for the both of you to move on. Good for you for not settling. Be empowered and call the shots in your own life. Don't let anyone else set the rules. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 6:11pm

Thank you for your response blueorchid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 5:37pm

You're doing the right thing.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 2:03am
Repeat after me " I don't care what you think" Again; "I don't care what you think. I don't care what you think"

This is what you say to him when he tells you that what you are feeling is wrong. Don't explain yourself to him. I realise you are learning to express yourself, but communication is not necessary when breaking up. Simply dismiss his comments.

And remember that it's OK to be rude during a breakup if they are arguing about breaking up. Telling someone that they are a pain in the rear end and you can't be bothered anymore is perfectly acceptable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 10:11pm

Thanks everyone for your replies.