new here and need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
new here and need to vent
4
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 3:27pm

My stories not new here I'm sure. I've been seeing someone for about 8 months. It's been tough since the beginning...no us, but we both have kids so finding time has been difficult. However, even with the obstacles I thought everything was fine. We talk several times a day and spend the weekends together. He had even mentioned buying a house together later in the year.

All of a sudden he's pulling away. We went to his brother's wedding this past weekend and everything seemed fine. His mom did something weird and he even said "promise you won't be like that at 60". But all of a sudden he's throwing out stuff like he's not sure what our future is and how I deserve better (if it hadn't been over the phone, I might have hit him over that one).

I'm not sure what I'm asking you for. But any insight would really be helpful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 5:21pm

hi kathy

well i guess his right you deserved better than being with him "LOSER"...well guys are guys..they say things that they dont mean to say it. they say it, just to look good and for you to fall inlove with them...then after they get what they want from you...your totally gone. WELL THATS THE REALITY I GUESS.

but dont worry things will be better without him...let him see what he lost.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 5:35pm

Ah, yes.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 9:13am

Just want to thank everyone who replied.

We had a good talk on Friday and then spent the weekend together. Turns out it was the buying a house together that wigged him out....made worse by the fact that he suggested it. And if I'm honest, I probably was trying to move to fast.

In the past 8 months he's taken on his two kids, a new girlfriend and a promotion. I think it all just caved in. If it was just the two of us, we could take a chance and rush into living together, but given that we have 4 small kids, we decided we don't want to take a chance at rushing things and then having them fall apart.

So we're going to keep the status quo and I'll evaluate at the end of summer. During the summer months we have plans to spend alot more time together (both with and without kids) and I hope this gives me a better idea if the relationship will work long term.

Thanks again.

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:22am

Just an update. We talked last night and ended things. Well sort of, we're going to talk face to face this weekend and decide the next step, but it's over. He can't make us a priority and I can't settle for less.

I have a suggestion to anyone having this problem. Read the book He's Scared, She's Scared. It's all about being in relationships with committment phobes. I skipped to the end to find out what to do when the relationship is ending and so much of it hit home for me and is actually making the break up a little better. Now I need to go back to the beginning and find out how to avoid these guys in the future.

Thanks again.