New here..im so confused VERY LONG

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
New here..im so confused VERY LONG
2
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 8:53pm

I've been reading alot of everyones posts and just want to say that I feel your pain.

I have been married for 12 years seperated for a little over a year do to BOTH of us using drugs. Long story short..I stopped...he did'nt. After 8 months into the seperation he moved 4 hours away with a woman he met in rehab. (I didnt know she went with him until 2 months after he moved)

We started talking again in the beginning of January (YES I WAS VERY JEALOUS OF HER) and by the 12th of that month he came for a visit and ended up staying. Thought it would work out because he was away from the drug scene for 4 months. Boy was I wrong but I was determined to "HELP" him. By the 1st of February we got an apartment. It seemed fine for awhile but then I found out he was still talking to her on the phone. Had a few heated fights even threw him out about 3 times in March. He stopped talking to the other woman at the end of March. Again everything started going great. He wasnt working but was here for our 2 youngs boys when they came home from school the apartmen was spotless and dinner was ready when I came home from work, PLUS the kids homework was done. So, to me it was OK that he wasnt working.

Last week (5/2/06) I had given him $90 from our income tax refund. (Figured he had not relapsed since February) Told him when I got home from work i'd take him out and he could buy a few things. He said OK. Called him from work, knew he wasnt home like he said. Told him I was DONE and that if I came home and he wasnt there that he shouldnt come home. I left work he wasnt there so I ran and changed the lock on the front door. Heard from him that night after the money was spent (of course), he called said I NEED HELP, I said call someone who care's. IM DONE. He hung up on me

I called his mother told him where she was, she started blaming me for bringing him back down here and for giving him the money. We got into a heated fight she told me to NEVER CALL HER AGAIN. So it's been a week, and I havent heard NOT ONE WORD from him OR his family since that night. Im assuming he's in a rehab. Im guessing that they dont care how my kids feel. I know how they feel. They want him back. That's why I think I cant let go of him.

I dont know what to do when I see him. I dont think I want him back but then again I dont know. Im so scared NOT to have him in my life even though all the heartache he's put me through. He was not like this until the drugs, which started in 2002. I guess I thought everything was going to be fine. My family said I shouldnt take him back but I just dont know. Im assuming he doesnt want us back OR he would have at least called. I just wanted everything to be "normal" like before the drug use.

How can I get closer and just move on instead of always running back to him?? Why do I still love him more than ever?? I tried SO HARD to make everything right and it was like I was SLAPPED in the face. So, here I am. A single monther AGAIN.

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 10:07pm
I think you would benefit greatly from attending some Al-Anon meetings, which are for spouses, friends, family of addicted persons. It can be drugs as well as alcohol. These meetings will give you great support and insight and a new way of living.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 10:57pm

Absolutely.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit